Mulan's Fight: Never Back Down
by pistonsfan75
Summary: Ping's true gender was revealed after the avalanche, but only Shang knows. He'll keep her secret, but at a costly price. Just how far-reaching can the consequences of one's seemingly secret sins be? Trigger warnings: Deals with subjects of rape, domestic violence, suicide and PTSD. Rating this M for language due to the presence of the F-bomb, war violence and sexual subject matter.
1. Chapter 1

The instant her tent entrance opened late that night, Mulan knew her army captain would not keep her secret for free.

It had been revealed that Fa Ping was actually a female when she was slashed by Shan Yu's sword and passed out after the avalanche. The army doctor had discovered her secret and told Captain Shang. He had come in to her tent and stared for a moment then left without a word after she had sat up and told him she could explain everything.

He had managed to keep Chi Fu from finding out that Mulan was a girl after giving a strict order to the doctor not to tell anyone else.

Had Chi Fu found out, he would have insisted on her death based on the law. So by Shang keeping her secret from him, he was protecting his bravest soldier from being beheaded. Or was that his reason at all?

Now here he was in her tent, late at night and everyone else was sleeping except the soldiers on night watch.

Once his intention became clear, she tried to fight him off but to no avail. Shang was much stronger.

She didn't scream because he warned her not to, and she refused to let him see her cry. She just stared at her helmet until she saw her terrified reflection staring back at her. Then she focused on the tent ceiling while her commanding officer raped her.

When Shang finally left, taking her innocence with him, she picked up her sword and stared at it. So this was the cost of secrecy. Worse than a beheading. She'd rather fight Shan Yu and 100 Hun soldiers than face Shang again.

No other soldiers knew Fa Ping was really a girl. No one except her commanding officer. It appeared he intended to keep it that way and keep her all to himself. She would never overcome this dishonor.

Raising the sword to her chest, she intended to pierce her heart. Just at that moment, she heard "Hey, Ping, Where are ya?" and realized it was past dawn. Yao opened her tent and stared at her. "What are you doing?" She rushed out of her tent as fast as possible, but her body was sore from her struggle with Shang.

That day, they broke camp and headed through the pass to the Imperial City. They set up camp just outside the perimeter. As the last fires were stamped out, she was filled with dread.

Yao, Ling and Chien Po remained outside their tents talking, so she stayed out and shot the breeze with them until she heard a stern "lights out, soldiers".

Shit. She had to go to her tent. Alone. But how long would she be alone for? When she heard footsteps approach, she knew last night's ordeal was to be repeated.

Mulan no longer doubted that rape was worse than death. But still, she didn't let Shang see her cry. She managed to leave bruises, bites and deep scratches on Shang's face, neck, and chest. He got his way, but not without a big fight. She was a skilled soldier and she used his own training techniques against him.

After he left, she reached for her sword to take her own life, but it was gone. He must have grabbed it as he'd gotten dressed, knowing that would be her next move. Her daggers were also mysteriously gone. Suicide was her only escape, but he had just taken that away.

The next morning, the regiment of soldiers was informed they would all remain on guard near the palace indefinitely. There had been possible sightings of Shan Yu and his troops in the mountains, and there was rumors that they had dug themselves out after the avalanche.

Mulan was put on watch with Shang during the last part of the evening, every night. It seemed he was always nearby, making her escape or suicide impossible.

To the rest of the Chinese army, she was Fa Ping, a courageous young male soldier who had single-handedly buried most of the Hun army in an avalanche after firing a cannon at a snowy slope as they had raced towards the remnants of the Chinese army. The other soldiers respected her.

But Shang, newly promoted to General, knew otherwise. He usually showed up at her tent soon after Ling, Yao and Chien Po took over the night watch, sometimes staying all night.

Week after week of this went by. Every night, Shang showed up at her tent. Probably anticipating she would attempt suicide, he had taken her sword and daggers out of her tent, and inconspicuously returned them to her for their night watches. When their watch was done and no one was looking, he'd take them again.

Once Mulan was able to sneak a dagger into her tent. Shang must have figured it out because he came in soon after and grabbed her arm as she was about to plunge the dagger into her chest. As she tried to fight, she managed to superficially slash his chest twice. But he grabbed it, slapping and punching her and whispered "You can't escape. I will always win, so stop fighting me. " Then he held it to her throat.

Mulan would never stop fighting. That she knew. The Fa's never back down. Ever.

Now Mulan was pregnant. Fatigue and nausea plagued her daily. Shang figured it out and started punching her in the belly all the time, but she never miscarried.

Other soldiers noticed 'Ping' wasn't 'himself'. She blamed it on homesickness and recovering from being slashed by Shan Yu's sword. No one else knew her secret, so no one suspected otherwise.

Abruptly, Mulan was dismissed from watch duty and placed on kitchen duty,. This isolated her away from the rest of the army. The pregnancy was beginning to show and Shang had noticed. When other soldiers asked why Ping was off night watch, Shang told them he had been caught sleeping on the job.

She began begging Shang to please just let her go home, to stop what he was doing to her or to just kill her, but it fell on deaf ears.

Finally, with a blossoming abdomen and almost constant nausea, she felt she couldn't take it any longer. She stopped eating. Then stopped speaking. Her days became a blur of cooking rice and sleeping and Shang's inescapable visits to her tent. She longed for a way to escape.

He still punched her belly hard several times a day and sometimes even dug his knee in. This, coupled with his brutal attacks, caused Mulan to vomit and contract and bleed but she never lost the baby.

The Chinese army remnant defeated the Huns and assassinated Shan Yu. The war was over. But Mulan's fight had just begun.

She longed for home, but there was no way she could go back to her village in this condition. She could barely climb up onto Kahn's back for the 2 day journey, and she couldn't show up at her father's home single and pregnant.

After loading up her armor and other belongings into a bundle, she slowly set off with Kahn beside her. She would settle in the first village she came to and pass herself off as an expectant war widow from a destroyed village, and raise her child alone.

How did her life turn out this way? How could she have known her commanding officer would have done this? Mulan hoped to never have to see Shang again.

*but will she see him again?*


	2. Chapter 2

Shortly after settling into a new home and giving birth in a village outside the Tung Shao pass, there was a knock at Mulan's door. Her sleeping newborn infant in her arms, she nervously opened it.

It was Shang.

Mulan burst into tears, the first time he'd ever seen her cry. "No! Please! I just gave birth."

Her son Zhou was born only 4 days before. This was the absolute last thing her postpartum body needed. She was so weak and exhausted from lack of sleep and 3 straight days of labor that there wasn't much fight in her. Childbirth had caused her to tear badly, and even walking was painful. And now here he was at her door. An attack now was unthinkable. He couldn't.

But, thankfully, he didn't try to force his way in to her house or even touch her. He told her he had followed her here to make sure of her safety, but kept his distance until now. He was here to make it right and marry her. What?

"You can never make this right! Get the fuck out of here! I will never marry you!", Mulan shouted and slammed the door in his face and locked it.

He couldn't make it right. What was done, was done. There was no going back. And since when was he concerned about her safety? Her bullshit alert went up to red. Lies.

Mulan put down the baby and stood shaking with her sword in hand. Pent-up emotions from 10 months of terror came flooding out.

"I hate you! I hate you, you motherfucker. You're a monster. You're evil. All you care about is yourself. I wish you were dead like your father. You don't deserve to live, you miserable pig. I wish Shan Yu had killed you."

She collapsed on the floor, sobbing.

"Mulan, I'm sorry."

Firing a cannon 3 feet from Shan Yu and burying the Huns in an avalanche was less frightening than this.

"It's too late. Your sorry-ass apology means absolutely nothing to me."

"Please. I love you. I love our child. I'm sorry. I'll never force you again."

Retrieving the arrow from atop a 100 ft pole with two 50 lb weights was less difficult than getting this clown away from her door.

"Are you fucking serious? How dare you say you love me! How dare you say you love our child when just 3 weeks ago you were punching me in the gut and grinding your knee into my belly trying to kill him. What the hell's wrong with you? You abused your position as commander and took advantage of the fact that only you knew I was female. I couldn't get away and I couldn't ask for help. I couldn't kill myself because you took my weapons. I never want to see you again. You made my life a living hell."

Baby Zhou began to wail.

"I'm sorry. Just please let me in. I want to see my son."

"How do I know you won't force yourself on me again? Do you have any idea what it was like, every single night for months, knowing you were coming? Never being able to fully fight you off or get away? Being at your mercy? I never want to see you again, I said. Go away and never come back. Just get the fuck out of here. You don't deserve to see your son. In fact, you will NEVER see your son. I hope you die like your father. When he's old enough to understand, I'll tell him his father is dead just like yours is."

Silence. Mulan heard his footsteps as he walked away. She knew she had hit below the belt by taunting him about his father's death. But what he had done to her was worse.

She cried bitterly as she changed the baby's nappy and as she went about her daily chores the rest of the day.

As with every night, vicious nightmares of Shang ripped thru her mind as she briefly slept. Twice, her screams woke Zhou.

How on earth did he expect her to trust him? How could he have done this to her? And why? Would he return and do it again?

In the morning, Mulan went outside to lead Kahn to water and give him hay. With the baby in one arm and the lead in the other, she stopped short.

The stall, nearly empty of hay yesterday, was full of hay bales. A large bag of rice sat next to it. Mulan glanced around, but there was no sign of Shang.

Inside the rice sack, in a smaller sack, was several coins. Enough to cover expenses for at least a month, plus enough to get some sorely needed items for Zhou.

Unable to secure an income yet, she had ran out of food, having just given birth 5 days before with no family around to help. Only 3 weeks had passed since the war had ended and she had arrived in this new village.

Everyone believed her story that she was a war widow. The village midwife had attended her for Zhou's birth along with 2 other women, but Mulan had longed for her mother and grandmother.

Mulan found a job in the rice fields and strapped Zhou to her back while she worked.

Weeks turned into months and then years with no sign of Shang, but hay and rice and coins appeared regularly at her and Zhou's home. Even though the thought of him terrified Mulan, it was comforting to know someone was looking out for her. But that someone was also the reason all this had happened.

The nightmares still hadn't stopped.

Shortly after the baby turned 2, Mulan took him out for the first time for a long ride on Kahn. She missed her carefree girlhood rides of days past. She was 19 now, and a single mother. There was no going back.

On the way back home, she passed a house not far from hers and glanced at the owner who was outside caring for his horse.

Shang.

He glanced up, and seeing them, turned away. So he had settled nearby, and was ensuring both her and Zhou were cared for, but was respecting her wishes to never see him again.

Mulan turned Kahn and approached him.

"Thank you for the food and money and hay bales. It's been a big help."

"You're welcome. It's the least I can do after I caused you to be in this predicament. If the two of you ever need anything, anything at all, I'm here. But I'll stay away like you wish." With that, Shang went in the house.

Mulan stared at the door, then at the 2 year old in her arms. He had never held his son and had only very briefly seen him before she had slammed a door in his face and screamed at him.

Not that she regretted that. He fully deserved it and she didn't trust him not to force himself on her then 4 day postpartum body. She shuddered at the thought.

After dismounting, she knocked on the door. He opened it and looked confused.

"I thought you might want to hold him. His name is Zhou."

Shang stepped outside the door and held his arms out. Zhou whimpered briefly, but soon stared up at his father quietly and wiped a tear from the latter's cheek. After a couple minutes, he started smiling and talking.

"Thank you, Mulan."

As he handed Zhou back, Mulan saw another tear on his cheek.

"I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm truly sorry." With that, he went in the house.

He was right. It didn't. Pretty boy could say he was sorry all he wanted. He still did it. Repeatedly. Asshole.

More time went by, with the only sign of Shang being the rice, hay and money he regularly left for her and Zhou. He continued to respect her wishes to not see him and never knocked on her door.

But the damage was done and could never be taken back. Mulan constantly looked over her shoulder. Every night after putting Zhou to bed, she piled furniture in front of the door and laid in terror of Shang returning. It was difficult to get any sleep at all. Her sword was always within reach at night. At least 1 dagger was in her sash at all times during the day, even on the rice fields.

She started stopping by Shang's about once every 6 months so he could see Zhou. Shang would come out to the porch to spend time with his son, knowing she wanted to stay near Zhou but would never set foot in his house.

After one such visit, the tot looked up at his mother and said "Is Shang my Baba? Cuz I need a Baba."

Mulan bit her lip. He did need his father more than just once every 6 months. He was nearly 4. But Shang's presence still terrified her.

She turned Kahn around. Shang had kept his word to stay away. Maybe she could let him come over so he could see his son more often.

When she told him of this, she also told him he was only to come over to see his son, not her. He was also to stay outside. One false move and the deal was off. If he touched her again, she'd kill him. That one thing he could be sure of.

Shang knew she could kill him. In training, she had bested him during many mixed martial arts spars. The scars she had left on him as she tried to fight off his attacks were too many to count.

"I understand. I promise I won't hurt you."

"Your promises don't mean shit to me, Shang. You should know that."

Indeed, he did know that. He didn't expect anything different.

The first time he showed up, Mulan's heart pounded in her throat until long after he had left. During the night she woke with a start, certain she heard a door open and it was about to start again. She grabbed her sword, ready to fight, but no one was there. It was just another flashback. One of hundreds, maybe thousands since Shang's attacks had ended.

He was showing himself to be a good father. He was also becoming a good friend. Never once did he raise an abusive hand to her or force anything on her. He apologized profusely for his wartime behavior again and again, blaming it on the grief of finding his father dead and the entire imperial army destroyed after a vicious attack by the Huns.

Mulan was beginning to forgive him. He slowly began to forgive himself of the monster he had been.

She told Shang about her constant nightmares and flashbacks of his attacks. How she always looked over her shoulder for him. That she still piled furniture in front of her front door every night and slept with a sword. She always carried a dagger in her sash.

She relayed how she woke up screaming many nights, so much so that Zhou had learned to light lamps around the house and go make his mama tea whenever it happened. He didn't know why, only that someone had frightened his mama very badly. Maybe it was the big bad Huns mama fought.

As she relayed all this to Shang, he covered his face with his hands and wept. He hadn't considered until now the emotional consequences that she still faced every day. The level of selfishness and cruelty he had been operating on during that time was mind-boggling.

His brutality had scarred this woman for the rest of her life. And he couldn't make it better. He could only watch over her and his son and hope that someday he would be allowed to comfort her.

It made him want to take his own sword to his heart because he didn't feel he deserved to live, but he had a son to live for now. He couldn't change the past, but he could still choose what kind of man he would be for the future.

On Zhou's 7th birthday, he brought over a bow and arrow, and began to teach him how to shoot. He had been 7 when his father started teaching him to fire an arrow and how to fight. She invited him to stay for dinner.

A few months later, after years of building trust with Mulan and proving he had changed, Shang moved in and they were married. That was the happiest day of Zhou's life so far. He would never know why Baba lived in a different house for so long or why Mama cried so much for so many years.

Only that his two favorite people finally lived in the same house.

Sometimes Mulan still had nightmares and awakened screaming and fighting. She carried scars that would never fully go away.

More than once she had clocked Shang good in her sleep. But Shang was always there to comfort her when she would wake up terrified, and repeat to her how sorry he was and that she was safe and he would never hurt her like that again.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been over 8 years since Mulan had left her village and her parents' home.

It was time to go back.

Shang's mother had died when he was a boy and his father had died in the Hun war. Mulan and Zhou were his only family.

She had received word that her father had fallen ill. She did not want him to die without meeting his grandson.

Mulan's mother and grandmother greeted them at the gate. They had not known about her marriage or her son and fussed at her for not returning years ago.

Li Zhou was immediately whisked away to be spoiled and loved on by his grandmother and great-grandmother, while Mulan and Shang went straight to her father's side.

Fa Zhou was resting, but at Mulan's voice, opened his eyes.

"You should not have stayed away so long. You should have come home right after you were married."

He did not and would never know they were married only recently, even though Zhou was over 7.

He would never need to know any of the real circumstances around his grandson's birth. If he had, the former war hero no doubt would have mustered enough fatherly protectiveness and raw strength to jump out of bed and kill Shang in a heartbeat.

Shang, Mulan, her mother and her grandmother took turns keeping vigil by Fa Zhou's bed for the next 2 weeks. Just before he died, he told Mulan he loved her and was proud of her and that her husband and son brought honor to the family. He told the younger Zhou he was honored that he was named for him.

With her mother aging and her grandmother nearly 80 years old, Shang and Mulan stayed at the Fa house. There was nothing holding them to their former village.

Zhou now had his mama, Baba, grandma and great-grandma by him every day. Mulan and Shang had talked to him on the way to her parents' home about not saying anything about Baba living in a different house for so long or that they had just gotten married. Hopefully, he wouldn't forget.

Mulan still had nightmares and the first time she woke up screaming, her mother and grandma appeared at the door immediately. She passed it off as flashbacks from the Hun war.

But her grandma didn't seem convinced and after her mother had returned to bed she still stood in the doorway staring at Shang.

"Grandmama, I'm fine." She turned away without a word, but not without one more sharp look at Shang.

Often Mulan caught Grandma staring angrily at Shang. What in the world?

Many weeks later, Grandma cornered him.

"How old did you say Zhou is?"

"7"

"Because he told me when his birthday is, and he's nearly 8, which would have him being born right after the war ended, which would mean Mulan got pregnant only a couple months after she left home."

Shang stood in disbelief. Absolutely nothing got by Grandma. This was where Mulan got her courage and spunk and smarts. The Fa family was fearless. They never missed a beat.

"Well...? I'm listening so start talking, pretty boy."

"The ancestors kept telling me Mulan was being threatened by someone close to her, and I thought it was Shan Yu. It was you! You discovered she was a girl and forced her, didn't you? Then married her after you knocked her up."

He lowered his eyes in shame of his behavior towards this remarkable woman's granddaughter.

"Well? Answer me, you piece of shit!"

He nodded. It was pointless to lie. She saw right through him. "I did force her. Many times. I'm sorry."

Grandma's eyes narrowed, her face reddened and her fists clenched and he briefly thought she was going to kill him. After the toughness he had seen out of Mulan, he had no doubt Grandma Fa could do it.

The Fa's were fighters. Fa Zhou's war heroics were legendary far and wide.

Mulan had grabbed the cannon from Yao and ran up to where Shan Yu was charging them and fired into a steep slope filled with snow, causing an avalanche to bury most of the Hun army.

After triggering the avalanche, her gut bleeding from Shan Yu's sword, she had plucked him out of the snow and saved his life.

Even stealing her father's armor and joining the army took an incredible amount of courage. She had been the one to retrieve the arrow atop a 100 ft pole with the two 50 lb weights.

Now an 80 year old woman one-third his size had him sweating profusely as she stared deep into his soul. She glowered at him and didn't back down. The Fa's *never* back down. This he knew well.

"I thought so. You're lucky Fa Zhou isn't alive anymore. He'd have killed your sorry ass on the spot had he known what you did to his only daughter. I won't tell her mother what a lousy dirtbag you are. But you better watch your back. The Fa's never let a wrong go unpunished."

With that threat, she walked away after one final burning glare, leaving Shang in shock.

He sat down on the grass. Had he really thought they could come back here to live and no one would ever figure out the truth? How foolish.

From now on, whatever Grandma Fa wanted, she got. Shang would make sure of that. Shan Yu had been less frightening.

If she even hinted at needing something, he got it for her right away. He always brought her tea in the morning and evening. He opened doors for her. Fed her lucky cricket. Mulan and her mother thought he was the sweetest man for doing this for her. But Grandma Fa knew she had him by the collar.

Months later, she cornered him again.

"I just want to know. Did she fight back?"

In answer, he showed her the many scars Mulan had left in her struggles against him. Knife wounds on his chest and neck and arms, deep bites on his shoulders and arms, gouges in his neck and cheeks, a deep scratch by his eye, knife wounds and gouges on his back and a huge slash mark on his gut.

Grandma's eyes got huge. "Mulan did all that?"

Shang nodded. "Let's just say I trained her to be an excellent soldier."

"I figured those were battle scars from the Huns."

"She's a fighter, all right. She fights harder than any Hun. You Fa's never back down."

Grandma actually cracked a smile and shook her head.

"Never."

Then she got serious and bore a hole into his soul with her eyes. "Never mess with a Fa. I'm watching you, pretty boy. If you ever hurt her again, I'll kill you myself. I'll always be watching over Mulan, and watching you, even after I die."

Three weeks later, she fell ill. She summoned Mulan to her bedside and threw everyone else out.

"I know what Shang did to you while you were in the army. I knew Zhou's birthday and figured out you got pregnant soon after leaving home and cornered him about it. Let me tell you, I scared Pretty Boy good and he 'fessed up."

Tears ran down Mulan's cheeks. No one else ever knew what she went thru.

"You're a strong, brave woman, Mulan. I lived thru something similar at the same age. That's how I had your father's older sister. We Fa's are fighters and we never back down. Remember that."

"I love you, Grandma."

"I love you, too, Mulan."

"Pretty boy showed me all the scars you gave him. I'm proud of you for fighting as hard as you did. The Fa's never back down and we fight with everything we have."

Mulan laid her head on her shoulder and wept, relieved to finally share her silent suffering with someone who understood. Grandma quietly stroked her hair and let her cry as sobs shook her body. Reluctant to leave, she stayed by her Grandma's side all night.

In the morning, she was gone. Grandma had died in her sleep. Little did Mulan know, Grandma had shared her own secret for the first time, with her. No one else had ever known the truth about their first child's birth, other than Fa Zhou's father.

She had been kidnapped by bandits on her way to the Fa house to be married, and raped repeatedly. She escaped with her life, and went on to marry Mulan's grandfather.

But the horrible ordeal had left her pregnant and battered. Her new husband claimed the child as his own and no one else ever knew differently.


	4. Chapter 4

The emptiness in the house left by Grandma Fa's death was overwhelming. She had died less than a year after Fa Zhou. Everyone missed her sassy attitude and sense of humor.

Fa Li had taken to sitting on Fa Zhou's favorite stone bench under the Mudan tree after his death, often holding his crutch. She would sit for hours sometimes, not eating unless Mulan insisted on it. Now that her mother-in-law had also died, she continued to grow more despondent.

It seemed only Li Zhou could snap her out of it. He would sit by his grandma on the stone bench and put his arm around her. When it was time to eat, he would take her by the hand and lead her to the table.

His closeness to his grandma reminded Mulan of how much she had loved her own grandma as she grew up.

Gradually Fa Li came back to life. She began to tell Zhou funny stories about his mother's childhood. They would sit on the stone bench and laugh for hours as she relayed Mulan's antics. It seemed she had been quite accident prone as a child.

She had been 12 when she learned to ride a horse. Fa Zhou had just obtained Khan as a payoff for a loan he had given someone, and he wanted Mulan to claim the horse as her own. So she spent several days learning to ride and had many falls.

"I learned to ride on Khan, too. I was 7. But I didn't fall very much. Then Mama let me ride over to Baba's house by myself a few times before they got married and Baba came to live in Mama's and my house."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Zhou clapped his hand over his mouth. He remembered what Mama and Baba had told him on the way there. About not talking about how Baba had lived in a different house for so long or how they had just got married or about how Mama cried and yelled at Baba so much when Zhou was younger.

He didn't know why he wasn't supposed to talk about it. But now he had. He ran and hid behind the temple and cried. Grandma had looked so mad.

Fa Li sat on the bench, shocked. Shang had lived in a different house for years? Mulan and Shang had just gotten married when Zhou was 7?

She had never gotten much explanation as to why Mulan had not returned home after the war. Or why she stayed away for 8 long years. Fa Li had assumed they had been living at Shang's family home. But that didn't explain why they had not received any word from Mulan about her marriage or her son's birth. Suddenly, nothing was adding up.

Mulan happened to come outside looking for Zhou. She had heard the laughter outside when her mother was telling funny stories about her. But then it had abruptly stopped and he was nowhere to be seen. Her mother was sitting on the stone bench with a stunned look on her face.

"He ran off. I'm not sure, but I think he's by the temple."

As Mulan approached the family temple, she heard Zhou crying. He rarely cried.

"What's wrong, Zhou?"

"I accidentally told Grandma that Baba lived in a different house for a lot of years and that you just got married when I was 7. I didn't mean to, Mama, I'm sorry. I was telling her about how you taught me to ride on Khan and started letting me go to Baba's house by myself until you guys got married. I forgot I wasn't supposed to talk about it."

Mulan took a deep breath. Her mother was sure to demand an explanation. Fa Li and Shang had a good relationship. He looked after her like he would his own mother, had she not died when he was a boy. If she were to know the truth, what would be her reaction?

It crossed Mulan's mind to tell her that she had been married to someone else and then widowed. But that would mean expecting Zhou to also lie. Then he would have to remember even more things to say or not say.

"It's ok, Zhou. I will talk to Grandma, ok? Why don't you go take care of Khan? I'm going to go find Baba." Being with the horses was always soothing to Zhou, just like it always had been to Mulan.

She found Shang in the garden practicing his martial arts.

"We need to talk. Now."

Something in her expression made Shang stop in his tracks. He hadn't seen that angry, determined look on Mulan's face in a very long time.

She led him to the opposite side of the Fa estate from where Fa Li still sat at the stone bench, baffled.

"What's going on, Mulan?"

"Zhou accidentally let it slip that you had lived in a different house and that we got married when he was 7. He realized it as soon as he said it and ran and hid behind the temple. I found him there crying and sent him to take care of Khan. I told him I would talk to Mama, but I have no idea what to say. She looked really shocked and angry when I saw her."

Shang took a deep breathe in and let it out slowly. "We knew this could happen, but we'd never come up with a battle plan if it did. We can't ask Zhou to lie. What would that be teaching him?"

"We need to tell her the truth, somehow, and then hope she doesn't hate you for the rest of her life. And probably the sooner we talk to her, the better."

They started walking towards the stone bench, but first stopped at the barn to tell Zhou to go in the house when he was done with the horses. He didn't need to overhear the conversation that was about to happen.

Seeing both of them approaching her, Fa Li looked curiously at them. Mulan sat next to her on the bench.

"Mama, Zhou told me what he said to you about Shang living in a different house and us getting married when he was 7."

"Yes, he did. Then he acted like he had done something wrong and ran off. Like he knew he wasn't supposed to say that."

Mulan looked at her mother, then at Shang, then at her mother again. How does one tell her mother that the son-in-law she had grown to love and trust had once brutally raped her daughter repeatedly? It had been years ago now, nearly a decade, and Shang had completely changed from the man he had been in the army.

Not only was Mulan scared of her mother's reaction, the prospect of having to talk about it out loud was daunting. She had barely spoken of it, except to Shang and once to her Grandma Fa before she died. She felt the old panic returning, but determinedly opened her mouth to start talking, but no sound came out.

Fa Li looked at her and Shang and raised her eyebrows. She tried again to speak, but still no sound came out. Suddenly, she felt her insides churn and ran several feet away to vomit on the dirt. After wiping her mouth off with some nearby tall grass, she returned, shaking. While she knew the subject was upsetting, she didn't know it would still have this effect on her.

"When we were fighting the Huns, I got slashed by Shan Yu's sword after setting off a cannon to trigger an avalanche to bury the Hun army. After the avalanche, I passed out and got treated by the medic, who discovered I was actually female. He told Shang, but no one else knew."

Mulan paused as her insides churned again. Once again, she had to turn away and vomit in the dirt several feet away. Fa Li watched her daughter retching and turned to Shang, her eyes filled with rage.

"You raped her, didn't you? Forced her to give payment for keeping her secret, then got her pregnant!" Shang stared at the ground and silently nodded his head.

Suddenly, Fa Li jumped up from the bench and slapped him. Then, slapping him a second time, she exclaimed "and that one is for Fa Zhou, who would have killed you if he'd known."

"Mama! It was a long time ago. I've forgiven him. He's not the same man he was then and I love him." Mulan was back by the bench again, pale and shaking, but standing next to Shang, determined as always.

"Why did you just get married when Zhou was 7 and why didn't you come home sooner?"

"When the war ended, I was 8 months pregnant and single. I didn't want to come home and bring more dishonor to the family. So I went to the first village I could find and told them I was widowed and my village destroyed. Shang went to the same village, but I didn't know it until Zhou was two because I had told him to stay away from me and the baby and he did. He left me alone completely but left hay, rice and coins for me every month. After I discovered he was living nearby, I started letting him see Zhou sometimes. Gradually, over the years, he was able to see him more because I realized he had changed. Mama, he's not the same man he was while I was in the army. When Zhou was 7, I realized I could trust him and had fallen in love with him, so we got married, finally. Then, when I saw my cousin Ling in the market and he told me Baba was ill, we decided it was time to come home."

Fa Li stood up and hugged her daughter tightly, then turned and looked Shang coldly in the eye for a moment and silently walked to the temple to pray.

He put his arms around Mulan and held her close to him. Her nightmares were sure to be bad tonight.

"Are you alright? I haven't seen you this upset in ages."

"I've never had to talk about it out loud to anyone else before."

Shang kissed the top of her head as he hugged her and whispered "I'm so sorry, Mulan. I'd give anything to take it back and change the past."

"I know. I love you, Shang."

" I love you, too, Mulan."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N- _Thanks, Yira, for the inspiration and ideas for this chapter!_

"So what brought about the change in you, and why were you such a monster in the first place?" It was later the same day, after they had talked to Fa Li and told her the truth. She had walked away to the temple afterward.

Shang took a deep breath and shut his eyes. He knew that someday Mulan would ask him why. She had a right to know why he had brutalized her like he did.

"I grew up seeing my father beat, torture and rape his concubines. Every night he'd drag one or the other of them off to his chambers. Their cries and screams would fill the entire house. I'd run and hide in the horse barn so I couldn't hear it. I spent more nights with the horses than I did in my own bed.

I'd see the bruises and cuts on them in the morning. He beat two of his concubines to death.

The only time the house wasn't filled with violence was when he was away at war or training recruits at Wu Zhong.

My mother died when I was 6 as a result of his violence. She had been pregnant and he kicked her in the belly repeatedly after she protested him taking a fifth concubine. She went into early labor and both her and the baby died.

After she wasn't there to protect me, the other women took their anger towards my father out on me. Beating me, drowning my pet dog, locking me in the closet for days, sometimes not letting me eat meals, ridiculing me constantly... They made my life hell.

I grew up hating women. My father's terrible example showed me they were only sex objects, without any human needs or feelings. He treated women like they only existed to serve men.

When I discovered you were a girl, I saw you as an outlet for the anger and grief I felt. Grief at my father's death, and anger for the women who made my life hell. Before I knew it, I had turned into my father. I failed to recognize you were a living, breathing human being who didn't deserve any of that."

"So why and how did you change? How did you come to be knocking at my door only 3 weeks later saying you were sorry?"

"I realized you were human and that our child was human. I realized I had a chance to raise my son differently than how I had been raised. That I could make him into a better man who respected women.

Right before we killed the last of the Huns, we happened through a village that had been destroyed. We searched for survivors but only found one. A pregnant woman had hidden in a closet and hadn't been found by the Huns. She'd been hiding there for 3 days. After we gave her food and water, she asked to be taken to another village that she had family living in. It was nearly a day's journey away, but we took her there because she had no other family and only the clothes on her back.

About halfway there, she started getting labor pains. We quickened our pace, but so did her contractions. After just a few hours, she gave birth on a wagon in the mountains, surrounded by only a handful of soldiers. Luckily, one of them had been through childbirth with his wife 6 times, so he assisted her. Chien Po let her squeeze his hands through the entire birth, while he looked the other way chanting a soothing mantra.

Thankfully, her child was born safely. As I stood guard while she gave birth, I kept picturing you delivering alone somewhere. I remembered the scared look on your face I'd seen so often and imagined that look as you suffered through labor alone. This woman had two people to support her throughout the birth and family in a village not far away, while you had absolutely no one to turn to. I knew you couldn't go home to your family so heavily pregnant and single.

As we made the journey the rest of the way to her destination, I watched her with her child. I could see how much she loved him and she kept saying how he looked like her husband who had died serving with the Imperial army. She was grateful she had a part of him to hold on to even though he was gone. She couldn't wait to tell her son about his father when he got older.

I knew all you would think of when you looked at our child was what I had done and what I had stolen from you. I realized I had become exactly what I had hated in my father. I didn't want you to hate our child.

I deeply regretted everything I had done and I still do. I was glad our son never died from all the times I punched and kneed your belly before he was born. You deserved to have a child with a man who respected you and loved both of you. You both didn't deserve any of that.

After we returned, I knew I wouldn't touch you again. The next day, the last of the Huns were killed and I told you it was time for you to go. I followed you from a distance so I would know where you settled. Then I stayed at the Imperial City camp for another couple weeks. I knew our child would be born any day and I hoped you would have someone to help you through the delivery. I prayed to the ancestors that you would both make it through alive.

Finally, I was cleared to leave the Imperial City, so I moved to the same village. Mine had been destroyed and I wanted to stay nearby to you. I tried to keep an eye on you, hoping for a chance to talk. After talking to the neighbor next to you, I discovered you had given birth to a baby boy 4 days before.

I wanted to find a way to make it right, so that's when I came to your door and told you I wanted to marry you. But I underestimated the level of emotional damage I had inflicted on you and wasn't expecting the reaction you gave me. I should have known better.

You made it very clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. Because I still wanted to do *something* for you, I bought rice and hay and left them in your barn with some coins. I did that every couple weeks for years. When I needed to be away for military duties, I arranged with a merchant to continue it."

"The first time you left me rice and hay, I was completely out of food." Mulan shut her eyes as she remembered those first weeks after leaving the army. "I had been exhausted when I'd arrived at the village after barely eating and hardly sleeping for weeks. All I had to eat was my army rations I'd brought with me. Once I had a flat to call my own, I slept for 3 days straight. I managed to trade a little for more food and clothes, but not much."

She took a deep breath and continued. "I didn't give birth alone. When I felt the pains starting, I walked into the village and asked the merchants how to find the midwife. Luckily, they were all helpful and she agreed to assist me and I could pay her later. She brought two other women with her because I had no women family members with me. They stayed at my flat with me for 3 days until I gave birth, but then the midwife had to go deliver another baby. The two other women stayed with me one more day, then went home."

"Zhou was a large baby, despite my poor appetite during my pregnancy, and I tore badly. When you showed up at my door when he was 4 days old, I was terrified you were going to force me again. With the tears, that would have been excruciating and I probably wouldn't have recovered for a long time.

I hadn't ever wanted to see you again. When I slammed the door in your face I wanted nothing more than to get you as far away from me as possible. So I said the meanest things I could think of so you would leave.

When I found the rice and hay and coins the next morning, I was grateful. I was so hungry. But, I was also thankful that I didn't have to see you."

Both sat quietly as they remembered the events that began a turning point to soften the brick walls around Mulan's heart towards Shang.

 _It was a chilly evening and Zhou was 4 years old. Shang had just returned to the village after being gone for several months on military assignment. Mulan was working in the rice fields with her son at her side._

 _As was his custom, Shang brought over rice, hay and coins for them when Mulan wasn't home. She only wished to see him on her terms, so he respected that. After leaving, he went to get a drink at a local tavern, which he actually didn't do real often. The place always seemed so full of unsavory characters, but it had been 5 years to the day that he had found his father's entire army slain. He wanted to drink away the pain of losing his father, even though he hated him._

 _Halfway through his second drink, a nearby conversation caught his attention. What he heard made his blood boil._

 _"Hey, guys, you know that widow with the little boy who lives down the road? I was watching her in the rice fields this week. She is a beauty! So slender, yet strong. No man seems to be courting her, either. It's just her and the kid. What do you say we finish these drinks and go have some fun with her?"_

 _"I heard she sleeps with a sword and daggers. The midwife found those when she helped deliver her brat and tried to move them, but the crazy woman wouldn't let her."_

 _"So if she fights us, we'll just kill her and the kid and set the house on fire when we're all done with her." Shang knew from experience that these creeps would definitely have a fight on their hands, but that she couldn't fight off all three alone._

 _He quietly set down his drink, paid his bill and crept out of the tavern without the thugs noticing. He had to get to Mulan's home before they did. He crept quietly to her door and knocked. No answer. He knocked again._

 _She knew without looking that it was him and screamed at him to go. "Get the fuck out of here, Shang. I've got a dagger pointed right at the door and I'll throw it if you come in here."_

 _"Mulan, listen to me. There are three guys headed toward your house planning to rape you and kill both of you. You have to get out of here."_

 _"Do you think I'm fucking stupid, Shang? I'm not going anywhere with you!"_

 _"Mulan, I'm serious. I just overheard them talking about it at the tavern and got here as quick as I could. They're probably headed this way right now. Let me in."_

 _Mulan looked out the window. She saw Shang outside the door and walking up towards him were three very unfriendly-looking guys. Before she could warn him, one attempted to club him over the head. He grabbed the thug's arm and slammed him against the house wall and jerked his head to the side, breaking the guy's neck. A second thug tried to stab Shang in the back, but the young general quickly spun around and only took a slash to the arm. With a kick, he delivered a blow to the second guy's head, knocking him unconscious._

 _Mulan grabbed Zhou and told him to hide in a closet under blankets. She started quietly removing furniture from the door._

 _Only the third thug remained. He charged Shang with a dagger in each hand at the same time that he swung his leg to knock him off his feet, but Shang had anticipated his move and jumped. He landed a kick straight into the guy's chest just as a dagger flew out of his hand and landed in Shang's shoulder. Mulan ran outside and jabbed her sword into the third thug's neck._

 _Then she stood in shock, staring at Shang with the bloody sword dripping in her hand._

 _"You... You were serious. They really were coming here, weren't they?"_

 _Shang nodded. "I couldn't let that happen. Not if I could stop it."_

 _"Stay there. I'll grab some bandages and medicine and patch you up." Mulan had learned to keep basic medical supplies on hand to patch up Zhou's many scrapes and bumps._

 _There was no way she was going to let Shang into her house, even after he'd beaten those thugs away from her door. She cleaned, medicated and bandaged up his wounds outside the door._

 _"Thank you, for getting here before they did. But... You do realize that what they were going to do to me is the same thing you did to me for 10 months, right?"_

 _Her hands were gentle taking care of the knife wounds, but her eyes blazed with anger. He couldn't erase the past. Not yet. Not ever. It was over four years later, but the wounds were still too fresh._

 _Shang stared at the ground. She was right. After thanking her, he left, but not before he told her he was sorry. Again. Mulan just stared at him._

Zhou calling them for supper brought them both back to the present. Mulan took Shang's hand. "I know I couldn't forgive you, then. Not yet, anyway. But I forgive you now."

After supper, Mulan took out Khan for a ride. As they cantered through the countryside, she thought about another time that Shang had a chance to prove himself worthy.

 _She had left 6 year old Zhou with his father so they could visit and, rather than stay around, she went for a run on Khan._

 _They had been galloping through the fields when Khan suddenly reared up as a Chinese cobra crossed his path. Mulan was a skilled rider, but was taken by surprise and thrown off his back. She landed on the ground, striking her head on a rock and going unconscious._

 _Khan stayed by her side at first, but then headed back home. Shang and Zhou waited for her to return, but after 4 hours she still hadn't arrived. They jumped on his horse's back and rode to Mulan's house. They saw Khan there but couldn't find her. Shang and Zhou got on Khan's back and Shang told him to take them to where Mulan was._

 _She was still unconscious when they found her, so he put her on Khan's back and had Zhou walk next to him. They went back to Mulan's home and he carried her in._

 _After laying her down and telling Zhou to sit by her, he left to get the village doctor. He was a retired army medic who knew Shang._

 _Along with a head injury, Mulan had broken her left arm in two places, and the bone poked through the skin. The doctor cleaned the wounds then set and splinted it the best he could. He gave Shang instructions for taking care of her._

 _Shang stayed with her all night, keeping cool rags on her head and keeping her arm elevated with clean bandages on it. He also made sure Zhou was fed and tended to Kahn and the chickens._

 _Mulan stayed unconscious for two days. Shang stayed by her side, leaving only to tend to Zhou or the animals._

 _When she finally woke up, she was sore and disoriented. She was alarmed when she first saw Shang in her house. But after realizing he had been caring for her and Zhou and the animals, she relaxed. She stayed in bed for several more days until she was able to stand without feeling dizzy._

 _Shang stayed the whole time, but after she had woken up he had started sleeping in the barn at night, knowing having him in the house with her at night made her nervous. If she needed him, Zhou came and got him._

 _Zhou had been learning about how to care for Khan from his mother and Shang taught him even more about horses. He also taught him other things around the house that he could do to help out his mama. He began to teach him what it meant to be a man and how to treat women with respect at all times. He was determined to raise Zhou to be a better man than Shang himself had been._

 _After Mulan was able to be up on her feet for more than a few minutes at a time, Shang went home and Zhou took over looking after the animals and the house. After several months, her arm healed enough to return to the rice fields._

Mulan thought about all of this while she rode back home. Shang had selflessly looked after her while she was unconscious and as she was recuperating from her accident. It was then that she began to see the clear changes in him. She saw how he was teaching Zhou to respect her and all women. Something he himself had never seen demonstrated as a child, he was somehow teaching to their son.

She saw how he'd never stopped looking out for her and Zhou, no matter how many times she screamed at him to "get the fuck away from her". He made sure they always had something to eat and were safe without expecting anything in return.

By the time Zhou was 7, Mulan felt herself falling in love with this man she had once hated. Not long after their son's 7th birthday, they had gotten married.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks again, Yira, for the inspiration and encouragement to keep this story going!**

Mulan had told Shang about her nightmares and panic attacks, but he never actually saw one until he was taking care of her after she was thrown off Khan.

 _It had been two days since Mulan had woken up. Zhou slept by his mama's side, ready to jump up if she needed anything and Shang slept out in the barn._

 _He'd been asleep for a couple hours when he heard Mulan screaming. "No, no, no, Get away from me, Get away from me, I hate you, No, no, no". He jumped up, threw on his clothes and ran into the house, thinking someone had broken in._

 _He found Mulan crouched at the head of her bed looking wild-eyed, sword in hand. When he approached her, she swung it at him. "I hate you! Get away from me, Get away from me!" He took several steps back and looked at Zhou, concerned._

 _Zhou shook his head at him and put a finger to his lips, but didn't seem alarmed as he lit lamps and fixed a cup of tea for his mama. Mulan continued to scream and wave her sword at Shang until he moved out of sight._

 _After giving the cup to his mother, Zhou finally spoke. "She does this almost every night. Don't go by her until she puts the sword down and don't talk to her until her eyes look more like mama's eyes. I always light lamps and make her tea and she gets better. She says it's from going to war. Those Huns must have been mean."_

 _Shang knew somebody had been mean to Mulan, but it hadn't been the Huns. It was him. He was the reason for her nightmares and panic. In the army, he had repeatedly raped Mulan every night for 10 months. Now, over six years later, she was still reliving that nightmare she had been unable to escape from. Of course, Zhou did not know this and never would. He stayed out of her direct line of vision, knowing he was the trigger that could set her off again._

 _"Does she sleep much?"_

 _"No, she doesn't. Too many nightmares."_

 _"Does it scare you when she does this?"_

 _"I used to get scared. But I'm used to it, now. She's been waking up like this for as long as I can remember. An uninterrupted night's sleep is rare in this house."_

 _Shang looked at his son. Right now, it was difficult to believe he was only 6 years old. In so many ways he seemed like he'd grown up way too quickly. He sounded more like an adult as he talked about his mama's panic episodes and how he looked after her when she got them._

 _After Mulan had calmed down, Shang went back out to the barn, but didn't go back to sleep. Remembering how terrified she'd looked when he first came in, he sank down to his knees and wept. No matter how sorry he was or how much he did for her or how many things he bought her, he couldn't change the past. He couldn't change the terrible way he had used and discarded her as if she didn't matter._

 _He found himself wishing he had died on that snowy battlefield in the avalanche, before he had discovered Ping was Mulan and this ugliness in him had emerged._

 _Even if she never loved him back, he would spend the rest of his life looking after her and Zhou and doing what he could to make up for what he'd done. Even though she wouldn't believe him if he told her, he loved her and would never stop._

 _The next night, it happened again. This time, Shang knew what to do and not do. He didn't dare talk to her or approach her, instead letting Zhou look after his mother until she calmed down._

As Shang had predicted, Mulan's nightmares were indeed bad that night after they had told Fa Li the truth about Zhou's birth and their marriage. Three times, she woke up screaming. Zhou still came running whenever it happened, but now he just made her tea and let Baba comfort her until she calmed down.

She had stopped sleeping with weapons when they got married, so staying close to her during a panic episode was no longer dangerous. Sometimes she would allow Shang to comfort her, other times she screamed at him and shoved him away from her. More than once, she punched him.

Her mind thought it was back in the army outside the Imperial City while her regiment was guarding the palace. That was when Shang had been forcing her every single night. It always took her several minutes to calm down and realize she was safe and that he was never going to hurt her again.

The tension between Fa Li and Shang was strong enough that even Zhou felt it, even though he didn't understand it. Seeing Mulan's panic episodes, and now knowing the real reason for them, was enough to make Fa Li hate Shang even more. She refused to look at or speak to him or even acknowledge his presence.

She had taken to spending hours sitting on the stone bench again, just as she had after Fa Zhou and Grandma Fa had died.

Li Zhou tried his hardest to cheer her up, and sometimes succeeded. Only he could get her to come to meals and eat. Mulan spent hours sitting on the bench with her, sometimes talking with her and sometimes just sitting quietly next to her.

Shang knew not to try to approach her and wished he knew of a way to try to make things right with his mother-in-law. The opportunity came sooner than he thought.

Zhou was 9 now and did much of the care for the horses himself. Every night, before he went to bed, he took a lantern out to the barn to check on them.

One particular night, he did his nightly check and found Khan ill. In his hurry to get back to the house to get Shang, he tripped on some loose hay and fell face first. He hit his head on the side of the barn and went unconscious. The lamp had flown out of his hand and broken, starting a fire on the dry hay on the ground. Shang's horse, Zen, let out a loud scream, which got Shang's attention instantly. Since this was so unusual for Zen, he ran to the barn, finding it engulfed in flames.

Knowing Zhou was in there, he raced right in. He found Zhou unconscious by a wall that was covered with flames. As he bent over to pick him up and carry him out, the wall started to fall inward.

Shang threw his body over top of Zhou and the entire wall collapsed over him. With his back, head and legs on fire, he pushed himself up and grabbed Zhou and ran out of the barn. As he ran out, he yelled for Mulan. Moments later, she ran outside and found Zhou and Shang unconscious on the ground.

Shang's back was still on fire, so she grabbed a bucket and started throwing water on him. Fa Li ran outside also, and started throwing water on Zhou, until she realized he was only burned a little bit.

Shang's back, arms and legs were severely burned and most of his hair was burned off. As Mulan tried to wake him up, Fa Li was able to wake up Zhou. Other than a headache and a small burn on his hand and cheek, he was alright.

With some difficulty, the three of them got Shang into the house and onto his bed on his abdomen, since it was mostly the back side of him that was burned.

Mulan cut his clothes off while Fa Li and Zhou tore strips of cloth and soaked them in water. Then they put them over Shang's burns.

All this time, he stayed unconscious. Mulan stayed by him all night, keeping the bandages over his burns moist. When daylight came, he still hadn't woken up. Mulan stayed by his side all day, refusing to leave.

Late that night, after sitting with Shang for a whole day and night, Fa Li finally convinced her to let her take over and Zhou walked his mother to Fa Li's bed. Mulan told him to wake her if anything changed and went right to sleep. Zhou and Fa Li sat with Shang and kept his bandages moist all night.

Early in the morning, his eyes opened. "Mulan?"

Zhou stood up to go get his mother.

"She's coming."

"Is Zhou ok?"

"He's fine, Shang. He only got burned a little."

"The wall started to collapse, so I threw myself on top of him."

"You saved his life, Shang, by running into the barn when you did and taking the brunt of the burning wall instead of him."

Mulan came in and started sobbing when she saw Shang awake.

Fa Li told her about the burning wall and Shang saving Zhou's life.

"Thank you for saving our son. I love you so much." Mulan leaned forward and kissed his blistered lips.

"Thank you for saving my grandson." Fa Li felt her heart softening towards Shang.

Over the next many weeks, Fa Li and Mulan took turns taking care of Shang as he recovered from his burns. Zhou also helped take care of his father quite a bit, too.

The emperor had called for his military services, but they had sent a message back to him about Shang's burns and how he had saved his son's life.

Both horses had died in the barn fire. Both Zen and Khan had been beloved animals, and the family mourned their loss once the crisis of Shang's injuries was over.

Fa Li was slowly able to forgive Shang for what he had done to Mulan while she was in the army. Once again, she was able to love him like a son and, as he always had, he looked after her like his own mother. Their family had been through so much in just a few years, but they were stronger and the hard times made them love each other all the more and cherish each day they had together.

Maybe it's time for their family to grow?


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks again, Yira, for the inspiration and encouragement to keep this story going!**

Zhou was 10 years old now. He did nearly all the care for the new horses and helped in the rice field. He secretly hoped for a younger sibling, but didn't say anything. He also really wanted his own horse. His father was teaching him martial arts, archery and sword fighting.

Mulan began feeling that same nausea and fatigue she had felt in the army. Nearly every morning she threw up. Her bleeding was late. This time she would be able to actually enjoy carrying a child.

Fa Li was also excited that another grandchild was on the way. She had always hoped to be at Mulan's side through a childbirth and now she would finally be able to. But, at the same time, she felt sad that Fa Zhou and Grandma Fa would never get to meet this grandchild.

Zhou was ecstatic about getting a younger sibling. He couldn't wait. He talked all the time about things he could do with a younger brother or sister. He wanted to teach him or her all about horses and rice and martial arts. Since his mama knew how to fight, he thought every girl should know how to do martial arts and use a sword and fire arrows.

When Mulan told Shang, he was excited. He felt like he could finally redeem himself for when he had continually tried to end Mulan's first pregnancy. He had punched and kneed her abdomen frequently, since it was glaring evidence of what he was doing to her and didn't want anyone else to know. This time he was looking forward to his child being born and vowed to be supportive of Mulan as much as he possibly could.

The first time Mulan felt the baby moving, it brought back memories of laying in her tent after Shang would leave and feeling Zhou moving and kicking. She could still feel the pain of him punching and kneeing her belly every day, usually causing her to vomit and bleed. Would she ever be free of those terrible memories?

Before this pregnancy, her panic episodes were diminishing to just one a night 3 or 4 days a week. But as she learned of her pregnancy and her belly grew, they became more frequent. Every night, at least once or twice, it happened. Shang seemed to understand why she was waking up screaming more often now, and was there to comfort her as always. It helped when she saw how much love he showed the new child when he talked to or kissed her belly or placed his hand on her to feel the baby kicking at him.

She remembered how terrified she had felt about giving birth and raising a child alone, a child conceived against her will. She hadn't wanted to be a mother at all, until Zhou was born and she fell in love with him immediately.

Five months before Mulan estimated the baby would come, Shang had to leave to train recruits at Wu Zhong. He would only be gone for four months, so both hoped the baby would wait until he got back.

His return was not a day too soon. When Mulan started getting labor pains that same night, Shang sent Zhou to get the village midwife, who had also delivered her. Instead of giving birth in a strange village with three women she didn't know, Mulan now had the support of Shang and her mother by her side. Instead of being in labor for 3 days like she had been with Zhou, she gave birth to a baby girl in just 10 hours. Her and Shang named her Mingzhu, meaning "bright pearl".

Zhou assumed the role of protective big brother immediately. The first time he held Mingzhu, he told her all about how he was gonna watch over her and make sure no one ever hurt her. Watching him, Shang was proud of his son and the man he was becoming. He wished his father had raised him the way he was striving to raise Zhou.

While he had been at Wu Zhong training recruits this last time, he had made a trip alone to the Tung Shou pass. He found the valley where his father's army had been slaughtered and found that the sword he'd stuck in the snow with the General's helmet on it was still there. Even after over 10 years it all was undisturbed, both the valley and the hill overlooking it where the village had once stood.

He knelt in front of the sword and helmet and spoke out loud to this father as if he was there.

"After you were killed here, I became everything I hated in you. I became violent and angry and terrorized an innocent woman for months as I had seen you do. I justified the way I acted by telling myself that you had been the same way. You had never treated women as human beings with rights and emotions of their own, and neither did I.

Then I realized how wrong I was, and how wrong you were. A pregnant woman who was a lone survivor of a Hun attack on her village gave birth while we were taking her to her family. I realized the terrible way my child and his mother were going to remember me as I listened to this widow grieving her lost husband and promising to tell her child of the brave man his father had been.

After that, I never touched her again. I didn't want to carry your legacy any longer. I hated you for how you treated the women in your life and I didn't want my son to grow up hating me.

I'm a different man now. My son is growing up to know every life has worth, man or woman. Everything I teach him, is the opposite of what you taught me.

Another child will be born to us soon. If we have a boy, he will learn the same ways. If the child is a girl, she will learn she has worth and beauty greater than what most men may see in her. The man who marries her will have to show he truly knows how to love and cherish her. She will never marry a man like you or like the man I used to be."

He stood up and looked over the valley. A bird swooped down and landed on the ground near him. It looked at him for a moment and almost appeared to nod it's head, then flew away singing a sad cry.

His father. He had sent him a sign that he saw the man he had raised him to be and the better man he had become. It flew back around by him again, this time singing a more hopeful cry. It sounded like the birds' songs you hear just before dawn, when they are all calling the sun to awaken.

In the bird's cry, Shang heard hope and joy that the Li's legacy of pain, terror and abuse had ended. His father had only carried on what had been modeled for him by his father, who had seen it modeled by his own father.

In Shang's heart, a new day had dawned.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for being my cheering section,Yira!**

Mulan stood in the doorway to their home holding three month old Mingzhu in her arms and patting her back. Her mother, Shang and Zhou were asleep. It was late at night and the baby had woken up to eat. After feeding her, she still fussed so Mulan was walking around the house with her trying to calm her down.

Seeing the moon was full and lighting a luminous path on the ground, she walked outside with Mingzhu still in her arms. It was a harvest moon, nearly as bright as day.

Mulan walked towards the temple. Stepping inside, she felt her Grandma Fa's presence strongly. She lit an incense.

"Grandmama, I miss you. You would love Mingzhu. She looks so much like you."

She looked around at the stones and statues.

"I know you hated Shang for what he did to me in the army. I think I'm finally beginning to move on. Mama has forgiven him. When she first found out the truth, she hated him, too. She slapped him and then gave him a second slap for Papa. It changed when Shang rescued Zhou from the barn fire, and shielded him with his own body from a falling fiery wall. He could have died from the burns he got, but he didn't. When he woke up, the first words out of his mouth were to ask if Zhou was ok."

Mulan turned to her father's stone.

"Papa, you didn't know the truth when you died, but I know you do now. I didn't tell you because I knew you would have killed Shang if I did. I'm sorry I didn't come home sooner. I didn't want to bring shame on the family after the war by coming home single and with child. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I love you, Papa."

She stayed in the temple, kneeling with her eyes closed and Mingzhu sleeping in her arms. Tears silently ran down her cheeks. A gentle breeze blew through the temple. Mulan felt more peace than she had since she joined the army and her life had completely changed. She knew her father was not angry with her for staying away so long and that he forgave Shang for his misdeeds.

Mulan walked back to the house and gently placed Mingzhu back in her cradle, then curled up next to Shang and went to sleep. She slept the rest of the night without a nightmare.

The next night passed without a nightmare, and the next. By the third morning, Shang had noticed that he hadn't been woken by her screams in several nights. He noticed she seemed more peaceful than he'd ever seen her before.

Before they got out of bed that morning, he asked her if she knew what changed. She told him about the night she had visited the temple after feeding Mingzhu while everyone else was sleeping.

"It felt like Grandma Fa and Papa have both forgiven you. I've forgiven you. Have you forgiven yourself?"

Shang sat pondering this. Had he forgiven himself?

"No, not completely. So many nights when you woke up screaming, I wanted to fall on my own sword for the anguish I'd caused you. But knowing you and your mother have both forgiven me, and you sensing your father and grandmother have both forgiven me, helps. The only person who hasn't forgiven me now, is me."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Not forgiving yourself doesn't change anything, it just eats away at you."

"You're right, Mulan. I do forgive myself now."

"I love you, Shang!"

"I love you, too, Mulan."

She snuggled up to him and laid her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating and felt his arms tighten around her while he stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.

"You're a wonderful mother, Mulan. You raised Zhou all those early years mostly by yourself. I know you're gonna be a good mother to our daughter, too."

"You're a great father, too, Shang. Our son adores you and Mingzhu loves to fall asleep in your arms."

She leaned up and kissed his neck and worked up to his lips. His arms tightened around her as he returned her kisses and she tangled her fingers in his hair. His hands ran down her back and came back up underneath her night shirt.

The moment was cut short by Zhou knocking on their door. "Hey Papa, are you gonna stay in there all day painting pictures?"

He was used to his army general father being up at the crack of dawn or earlier.

"Papa, didn't ya get enough beauty sleep, Princess? Or were you waiting for your Prince Charming to come kiss you?"

While Mulan had been pregnant with Mingzhu, Zhou had visited Shang at Wu Zhong for a couple days and watched him with the new recruits. Evidently, he picked up some army commander lines. She laughed, remembering being on the receiving end of those lines herself the first several days she was at Wu Zhong. Timeliness was never her strong point until she joined the army.

"Somebody's gonna clean the privy for a week if they don't get their ass outta bed!"

"Alright, Captain, I'm coming!" Shang hollered, laughing.

Soon after Mingzhu turned 1, Mulan was pregnant again. Once again, Shang had to train new recruits at Wu Zhong, but this time he planned to be back about three months before the baby would come.

Zhou was excited again about a new sibling and hoped for a brother. By the time this one came, he'd be 12.

This pregnancy was emotionally easier for Mulan than the previous one. She wasn't haunted by flashbacks as she had been before.

But she was tired, so tired. And so nauseated. Thankfully, Fa Li and Zhou helped her with Mingzhu. The tiny toddler had learned to walk, and enjoyed running around the property. Her curiosity and stubbornness identified her as her mother's daughter.

Zhou enjoyed feeling his sibling kicking his hand when he touched his mother's belly. He liked to talk to his "little brother" as he called the baby. He was sure this one was a boy.

A week before Shang was due back from Wu Zhong, Mulan noticed she wasn't feeling the baby move. She poked at and talked to her belly, but there was no response.

Fa Li ordered her straight to bed. Mulan stayed there for three days before the pains started. Her mother recruited a neighbor boy to ride to Wu Zhong to alert Shang. He left orders and came right home. The camp was only 25 miles away.

Mulan's water broke and within a few hours, just after Shang returned, she delivered a tiny, pale stillborn baby boy. His cord was wrapped tightly around his neck.

All four of them were devastated, but especially Mulan. She burst into inconsolable tears after the delivery. Then she stayed in bed for the next ten days, staring into space, not eating or speaking.

Nineteen month old Mingzhu didn't understand why everybody was so sad or why Mama didn't talk or want to hold or play with her. Shang and Fa Li did their best to explain to her that Mama was sad cuz a baby was going to come live with the family but now there wasn't going to be any baby.

Mingzhu toddled up and kissed her cheek and said "Mama sad, no baby?" Tears rolled down Mulan's cheeks. "Don't cry, Mama." Then she climbed up in bed with Mulan and wiped away her tears. "I love you. Mama's a good mama." At this, a fresh batch of tears flowed. The little girl hugged her tightly. Mulan held her close to her and sobbed.

When it was time for dinner that night, Mingzhu jumped down and grabbed Mulan by the hand. "Mama eat." Mulan shook her head. "I said Mama eat!" Mulan hadn't eaten in ten days, other than when Fa Li brought her tea several times a day and stood over her until she drank it. She shook her head again. "I SAID MAMA EAT!" Mingzhu grabbed her hand with both of her tiny ones and yanked. For the first time since she had initially noticed something was wrong with the baby, Mulan smiled. The child was definitely the daughter of an army general. She got up and let Mingzhu lead her to the table.

After that, even though it was incredibly hard, Mulan made herself get up in the mornings and eat and go about the daily things that needed to be done. Whenever she could, she slipped away to the temple and knelt there quietly. They had named the baby boy Zian meaning "son of peace". She took comfort in knowing her grandmother and father would watch over him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks again for being my cheering section,Yira!**

 **A/N: This is a long chapter and a lot happens. I was going to divide it into two chapters, but I couldn't decide where to make the split so I just kept it all as one.**

Not a day went by that Shang didn't think about Zian. He kept wondering if the baby would have lived if he'd been home to make sure Mulan took care of herself.

Fa Li and the midwife both told him there was nothing any of them could have done differently.

It was six months later when Mulan became pregnant a fourth time. Her and Shang were afraid to get very excited. They waited a few months to tell 13 year old Zhou, not wanting to risk him getting very excited, either. But, eventually her belly protruded enough that they needed to tell him, and two year old Mingzhu.

Once again, Zhou talked to the unborn baby frequently and referred to him or her as his little brother again. Shang managed to not need to be away from home for military duty this time around. Another general took over training just that particular batch of recruits.

In about the expected amount of time, Mulan delivered a healthy breathing and kicking baby boy. Her and Shang named him Qiang which meant strong.

The first time Zhou held him, he told him all about everything he was gonna teach him when he got bigger. Mingzhu didn't seem to like being usurped as the baby of the family, but she gradually liked Qiang more as he got bigger and began smiling at her.

When Zhou was 14, he enrolled in the military academy just like his father had. It was hard for Mulan to see him go.

When they took him to the Imperial City, where the military academy was located, it unexpectedly brought back unpleasant memories for Mulan. This was where it had all happened. She hadn't been back there since the Hun war had ended right before Zhou had been born. The nightmares that had been gone for over two years returned.

During the week they stayed there, she had too many nightmares and panic episodes to count. It had been over 14 years ago since Shang's terror had ended, but in those horrifying moments her mind transported her right back to that period of her life. Even though she had found inner peace and long since forgiven him, the scars would never fully go away. Rape doesn't just violate the body, it tears away at the soul and leaves it raw.

Mulan began meditating whenever the terror returned or when she woke up screaming. They had returned home, but the nightmares and panic episodes continued. She'd squeeze Shang's hands and force her mind to focus on a mental picture of cherry blossoms while she took slow, deep breaths and reminded herself she was safe. She'd learned that from the midwife after losing Zian. Shang brought some real cherry blossoms into their bedroom for her to focus on.

Mulan had come a long ways from the sword-wielding panic episodes he'd first seen all those years ago after her horse accident. She often slipped out to the temple at night after Qiang's nighttime feedings, just as she had with Mingzhu. She'd kneel quietly while her baby boy slept in her arms. Gradually, peace was returning again. She'd feel her Grandma Fa's spirit comforting her, and she could almost hear her saying she understood her pain.

Shang knew she would never fully move past the brutality he'd inflicted on her, but with the return of her terror he felt the old anger and disgust towards himself returning. When the urge to fall on his sword hit him, he would also start meditating. He knew he was a different man. He needed to live not only for Mulan but also for Zhou, Mingzhu and Qiang, as well as Fa Li.

Before they'd left the Imperial City, he'd been able to visit the site of his father's death again. The sword he'd driven into the ground was still there, although the helmet was not. Once again, he knelt in front of it and talked to his father as if he was physically there.

"It's been nearly 15 years since I lost you. I'm a father of three now and my oldest son is fourteen. When we came to the Imperial City again, all the old terror I'd put Mulan through came back. Now she wakes up screaming again, like she's back in that tent with me forcing her every night.

Did you ever truly understand the level of trauma you inflicted on those women? If you had known, would you have cared? Did you even love them? Were you capable of love?

Nothing hurts me worse than knowing the woman I love has deep scars that will never go away, that I left there with my perverse selfishness.

I have two sons now. The younger is just a baby. He will learn how to love and respect women as he grows. My oldest is nearly a man, now. He loves his mother and grandmother and his little sister so much. He knows a woman is to be cherished and protected, not broken and used. I broke the cycle of abuse and violence. Your legacy of terror has ended.

I forgive you for the horrible example you set for me. I forgive you for the home I grew up in being so full of violence, anger and fear. I hope your spirit can one day rest, Father. Goodbye."

As Shang stood to leave, he noticed a deer had walked up near him. It raised its head up and looked at him, but didn't run away. His father had sent him a sign again. That he saw the man he'd finally become and was proud of him for breaking the cycle of abuse.

Back at the inn, he'd quietly relayed all this to Mulan while the two little ones were sleeping and Zhou was already staying in his dormitory.

The emptiness in the house left by Zhou's absence was keenly felt by all. He had spent much time with their 3 horses, training them. His wish to have his own horse had come true just a few months before leaving for military school, however he had to leave him back home.

Three year old Mingzhu seemed sad without her big brother home. He'd started to teach her a little bit of martial arts, so she practiced it outside with Shang. He continued to instruct her, little bits at a time.

To her, it was unheard of for a girl not to learn how to fight. She had her mother's determination, strength and stubbornness. Mulan began to teach her how to read and write, as well. Girls didn't always get to learn how. She wasn't allowed to do much with the horses, but she was allowed to help with her baby brother Qiang.

Zhou had begun training as a medic. Ever since Mulan's horse accident, when he'd watched the medic set her arm and then watched Shang take care of her, he'd wanted to become a medic himself. He still perfected his archery, martial arts and sword fighting skills, but primary he learned medicine.

During the 4 years he was at the military academy, he was able to visit home 4 times. Each time, Mingzhu and Qiang had a hard time when he had to go back. He missed his family, and wrote many letters, but he loved learning medicine. He got to stay at Wu Zhong several times during the last couple years and work under the head medic while his Shang was training new recruits.

It was during one of those training periods that Zhou had to help care for his father after their camp was ambushed by Mongols. It had been late at night, two months into a four month training period, just before he was due to be done at the academy. He'd woken to the sound of fighting and yelling, and rushed out of the medical tent to find several comrades already dead. He'd grabbed a bow and arrows, and a sword and joined in the fighting.

He was able to take out several invaders with arrows, when he spotted Shang fighting with two Mongols. As Zhou was running up behind one of them to hit him with his sword hilt, the other one stabbed Shang in the chest. Shang was still able to deliver a fatal blow to his attacker's neck before falling. Zhou knocked out the other one and ran his sword through his chest. As he was dragging his army general father to the medical tent, he had to fight off several more Mongol attackers who tried to finish off the army leader. He got a minor blow to the head and a knife wound in the leg and arm, but didn't stop. In total, he had killed 15 invaders that night. It seemed he had inherited the Fa fighting mentality of never backing down and his father's unwavering courage.

The Chinese lost 20 men out of 400, but nearly all 60 of the attacking Mongols were killed. But the number of wounded Chinese soldiers was staggering. 100 were wounded, 40 critically.

The knife that stabbed Shang's upper chest had somehow missed his heart, lungs and airway, but he lost a lot of blood due to an artery being punctured. Zhou assisted the head medic in cauterizing the wound and stitching him up. Once his father was stable, he had to assist the medic in caring for the other wounded soldiers, although he wanted to stay by Shang's side. A runner was sent to another training camp to request medical assistance, and yet another medic was called up from reserve. Both arrived within hours, and the 4 of them worked all through the night and the next day and night to stabilize everyone.

By the time the team was able to stop and catch their breath, Zhou was exhausted. But he was more sure than ever about his decision to become a medic.

He went to Shang's bedside where he was being kept in his own tent. A runner had been sent to fetch Mulan and she stayed by his side and helped care for him. The medic and Zhou had been able to stop the bleeding, but Shang was weak and semi-conscious from the loss of blood volume. The younger two had stayed back with Fa Li.

More soldiers and officers gathered at the camp in the following days, as well. A counter-attack needed to be strategized, as this ambush would not go unavenged. This was war. Scouts were sent out to get information on the Mongols' location and possible plans of future attack.

Shang was still only semi-conscious after 5 days, but 2 other generals had arrived soon after the attack. Together with several captains, they gathered information and worked on a plan.

The Mongols had breached a northern section of the Great Wall, and were advancing further into the Middle Kingdom, much like the Huns had done 19 years earlier. That was when Shang had just become a captain, and Mulan had joined the army, passing herself off as Fa Zhou's son Ping. Zhou knew his mother had briefly been in the army, but no other details.

Zhou had learned of his grandfather's military heroics in school, and wished he'd gotten to know him better. He'd been just seven when the three of them had returned to Mulan's childhood home, and Fa Zhou had died just two weeks later. He wondered why they hadn't gone to live there sooner, but he also knew there was some questions he shouldn't ask.

Like why they'd stayed away from the Fa home so long, why his father had lived in a different house for so many years before him and his mother got married, why he hadn't been supposed to talk about it with Grandma Li, why his mother had such bad war flashbacks and his father didn't… There were so many secrets in his family. Now that he was 18, he saw more of what was different about his childhood. Things he had accepted as normal when he was young, he was realizing were far from it. He had nursed his mother through her panic attacks from a very young age, until his father had moved in and for the most part took over after they married.

But wartime was not the time to be trying to sort out family secrets. He concentrated all his attention on caring for the wounded and learning as much as he could from the seasoned medics he worked with. His years of experience with his mother's panic episodes enabled him to skillfully aid fellow comrades in theirs.

Over the next few weeks, Shang had regained full consciousness and resumed his duties as general, and Mulan went back home to care for seven year old Mingzhu and four year old Qiang. More recruits and reserves arrived, until the army camp held 4,000 soldiers, 4 generals and 8 captains.

Zhou discovered that his Grandfather Li had also been an army general. His entire army had been decimated by Shan Yu and the Hun army, nearly a year before he was born. Again, more questions unanswered. Why hadn't they lived at the Li home at all, and why didn't his father ever mention his grandfather? There were so many questions that would have to be left unasked and unanswered, at least for now. Someday, maybe. For now, he had to focus on being Lieutenant Li Zhou, army medic in training. He had to focus on war.


	10. Chapter 10

**Changed my mind about keeping this story going. Already working on chapter 11.**

Scouts had located where many of the Mongols were camped, about 20 miles north of Wu Zhong. They estimated there to be about 5,000.

The number of soldiers present at Wu Zhong was over 6,000 as new recruits and reserves were still arriving. It had been a month since the Mongols had ambushed the military camp. There were still wounded to tend to, but they were much less critical.

Zhou was trying to learn as much medicine during this time as he could, knowing that once more battles occurred, there would be many more wounded to tend to. The seasoned medics were quick to grab him for new learning experiences. He was learning how to set broken bones, fix dislocated shoulders, stitch up wounds and treat head injuries, among other things. He barely slept, but he loved it.

When the Chinese army decided to attack the Mongol camp, two medics came along and two stayed back. Zhou wanted to come along, but it was decided that two senior medics would instead. While nearly everyone was gone, Zhou helped prepare supplies and prepare the medical tents to receive wounded.

He and the other medic swapped stories about war and family life. Zhou discovered that this medic had treated his mother after she had been injured by Shan Yu's sword. He'd heard a little of the story of the avalanche, but now got to hear it from the medic's perspective.

His mother had entered the army as Fa Ping, to take his grandfather's place. His grandpa Fa had been injured years before as a general, and was conscripted to return when the Huns attacked. She had taken his conscription notice and joined the army as a boy. No one knew until she was slashed by Shan Yu's sword and the medic had to treat her. The Hun leader's sword had left a deep slice in his mother's side. He found out that only his father had known about her being a girl. He also found out that the avalanche his mother caused killed most of the Huns and saved a lot of Chinese soldiers. She'd also saved his father's life.

Zhou wondered why he didn't know more about that. The more he learned about his family, the more questions he had.

Thankfully, there was much to keep his mind occupied. His army was returning to the camp with many wounded, and more coming. The attack on the Mongol camp had not gone well and over 2,000 of their 6,500 soldiers were killed, along with over 300 wounded. Four medics for 300 wounded soldiers. This time, his father was not one of them.

Zhou was able to treat on his own many of the soldiers with less complicated injuries. He also assisted the other medics with the more severe patients.

While the injured were being treated, the generals began coming up with strategies for going up against the Mongols. They were expert archers.

It was decided that the Imperial army would camp towards the top of a mountain that faced the Mongol's war camp. Behind them would be an even larger mountain, and 1,500 archers made camp up there.

This way they could watch for the enemy, and initially attack from up high.

It was about two weeks later that the Mongols attacked their temporary camp. Scouts had brought back warnings that they were moving towards them.

As soon as the 4,000 Mongol warriors were in view, the archers unleashed a giant amount of arrows on them and didn't stop until given a cease-fire order. This cut the number of enemy soldiers roughly in half.

Then the other 3,000 soldiers attacked. Zhou watched from high on the mountain as the Imperial army, led by his father and the other two generals, fought back the Mongols until only a handful remained. The archers who'd been up high descended to come to the aid of the foot soldiers.

The remaining enemy soldiers were captured and killed. Once again, the number of Chinese wounded was high. Out of 4,500 troops, 500 were killed and 400 wounded. Once again, Zhou and the senior medics worked around the clock to treat them. Scouts kept a watch on the surrounding areas to be alert for any more attacks, just in case there had been more Mongol troops elsewhere.

They returned to Wu Zhong, where Zhou continued to assist in treating the wounded. Shang and the other generals regrouped and trained more recruits. After 6 more months, they were finally able to go home.

Neither of them had seen any of the other family, besides Mulan when Shang was injured, for nearly a year.

Mingzhu and Qiang tackled Zhou onto the ground as soon as they saw him. He was 19 and they were 5 and 8.

His little siblings had grown considerably in all the time he'd spent away from them. Qiang had been a baby when he'd started at the military academy. Now Zhou could teach him martial arts moves. The younger boy was eager to learn whatever he could from his big brother.

He wasn't surprised when Mingzhu showed him some of her moves. She'd continued to learn, as well.

But the questions at the back of Zhou's mind continued to nag him when he wasn't occupied. He tried to keep himself busy with the horses and his younger siblings, and practicing his own fighting skills.

Why did his mother and father live apart for so long? Why didn't he meet his mother's parents before he was 7? Why wasn't he supposed to talk about any of that?

One day, after practicing martial arts in the yard, he spotted his mother in the temple. Her night terrors had gone away for the time being. Since Zhou and his father had been home, she hadn't woken up screaming once.

He decided to ask his mother what had kept them away from this home for so long, when he was younger. She jumped at the question, then shook her head and went back to praying.

That was odd, thought Zhou. But, he dropped it.

After 6 months at home, Zhou and Shang went to Wu Zhong for 6 months. More recruits needed to be trained. Zhou worked with a senior medic again, and also did many of the physical drills to sharpen his skills in fighting.

One of the nights, he walked with his father around the pond near the camp. He finally unloaded all the questions that had been in his mind for over a year.

Shang was quiet for several minutes. "We knew you would want to know all this, eventually."

"I'm not a child anymore, I'm twenty years old now."

"Son, I used to be a very different man than I am now. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of."

"Like what?"

"After your mother started the avalanche with our last cannon and was hit by Shan Yu's sword, I found out her secret." Shang looked off in the distance for a moment before continuing.

"I was the only one that knew. I began forcing her to have sex with me in exchange for me not turning her in or beheading her. She didn't want to, but I didn't give her any choice."

Zhou felt like he was in shock. He could barely breathe and his heart pounded in his ears. His father had raped his mother?! A white hot rage began to crawl up his spine.

"That's how you came about. She got pregnant, and you were born just a few weeks after we finally defeated the Huns. She wanted nothing to do with me, and did not want to go home single and pregnant. She made a life at a nearby village, and I settled not far from her. I gave her food, money and hay regularly to make sure the two of you were taken care of.

She continued to not want me around, so I respected that. But gradually she changed her tune as she saw I was changing. It wasn't until you were 7 that she realized she loved me and finally agreed to marry me. So that's why we lived apart so many years.

It was not long after that we found out Fa Zhou was ill. She felt she could finally go home, once we were married. So we went there to live. So now you know. I hope you don't hate me."

"Do you love my mother?"

"Yes, Zhou, I do."

"Has she forgiven you?"

"Yes"

"Why did you treat her like that?"

Shang stared at his hands, then up at the stars.

"I didn't know how to treat a woman with respect. My father, your grandfather Li, had been terribly abusive to women my entire life. My mother and two of his concubines died as a direct result of his violence."

"So you carried on what he'd modeled for you?"

"Yes. After you were born, I was determined not to pass the same legacy onto you, so I broke the pattern. I know that's difficult to hear all that, but with you being grown now you deserved to hear the truth."

"So is that what her nightmares were always about?"

"Yes, son, they were because of me."

Zhou stopped in his tracks, thinking back on all the years of seeing his mother's flashbacks and nightmares. All this time, he thought it was from the Huns, but it was because of his father!

The blind rage that had been crawling up his spine suddenly clouded his vision, and he punched his father square in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"That's for my mother."

He stood, watching with fists balled up, as Shang got up from where Zhou had knocked him down.

His father could have had him disciplined for punching a high-ranking officer, but chose not to. The two men stood looking at each other, neither sure what the other was about to do.

Zhou turned and punched a tree. Then he punched it again and again. Shang stood silently watching him. He hadn't been taken aback by Zhou's reaction. The young man loved his mother, after all.

Finally, knuckles bloodied, he stopped. Feeling spent, Zhou sank to the ground. Shang cautiously sat beside him. His nose had finally stopped bleeding from where he'd been punched by his grown son.

"I am sorry, Zhou, for what I did to your mother. I truly am. I still tell her that, a lot."

"She's forgiven you?"

"Yes, she has."

"Well, I don't think I can. Not yet."

"I understand."

"How did you feel, seeing all those nightmares of my mother's, and knowing you caused them?"

"Absolutely terrible. There were times, too many to count, that I wanted to fall on my sword. But, knowing I had you and your mother, then later Mingzhu and Qiang as well, kept me from doing it."

"Does Grandma Fa know?"

"Yes."

"What'd she do?"

"She slapped me, then slapped me a second time for Grandpa Fa."

"So Grandpa Fa didn't know?"

"No. He would have killed me if he did. I barely met him, but I studied his heroic deeds in school."

"So did I. He sounded amazing. I wish I could have known him more."

"Me, too. You know, you have his heroic blood in you. Fa's never back down. Like when our camp got ambushed and you dragged me to the medical tent, even though they kept coming at you trying to kill me, you fought all of them off with one arm and dragged me with the other. You saved my life, and I never thanked you for that."

Shang placed his hand on Zhou's shoulder. "Thank you for saving my life."

"You're welcome."

"I think Grandpa Fa would be proud of you. I'm proud of you, too, Zhou."

"What about Grandpa Li? You don't talk about him much."

"He was an excellent general, but he was arrogant and that clouded his judgment. He thought his army could defeat the Huns, but they outsmarted him. He made me a captain long before I was ready."

"Did he ever tell you he was proud of you?"

"No, never."

It was almost dawn before they were done talking. Shang got started with leading drills and Zhou hurried back to the medical tent to take over care of a critically injured soldier who'd been thrown off a horse the day before.

Treating that patient, and then a snake bite and the fallout injuries from a couple of fistfights kept Zhou too busy to think about what he'd discussed with his father.

After the other medic took over for the night, he sat down by the lake to be alone with his thoughts.

In time, he'd forgive his father. After all, his mother had forgiven him and she was the one who'd truly been wronged.

The Fa's never back down. He'd heard his mother and great grandma Fa say that, before, too.

He had Fa blood in him, and he never backed down from a fight or a challenge. Every trial that came his way, he met with determination and a set jaw.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you Yira for encouraging me to continue this story and being my cheering section!**

Shang and Zhou were finally home again when the 6 months of training recruits was over. After the Mongol ambush of Wu Zhong, the Imperial army had stretched new recruit training periods to 6 months to help new soldiers better prepare for possible future attacks.

Mulan didn't know yet about their discussion and that Zhou knew what had happened. A few days after their arrival, Shang asked her to take a walk with him after the younger ones were in bed.

While they sat on the stone bench, he told her about Zhou's questions and what he had told him. Initially, Mulan was angry but soon realized their eldest son was indeed 20 years old and deserved to know.

Seeing Zhou in the barn with the horses, she decided to join him. He was always easy to find, usually either with his siblings outside, with the horses or studying medical scrolls with Fa Li, who had always wished she could study medicine.

On seeing her come into the barn, Zhou smiled. He knew his mother loved horses as much as he did. She helped him as they talked.

"Your father told me you had a lot of questions for him at Wu Zhong. He said he answered them, but is there anything else you wanted to know?"

Zhou looked up at his mother, surprised. He didn't think she'd be able to answer anything. His father had said it was hard for her to talk about.

"How old were you when you had me?"

"17"

"Were you scared?"

"Yes, very. I'd hardly even held a baby. I couldn't make it home, even if I'd wanted to. It was too far to go alone being so far along, and I was exhausted. Plus, I didn't want to show up here single and about to have a baby. So I stopped at the first village I found. I told them my village had been destroyed and I was widowed. I was able to find a small flat. You were born 3 weeks later. I didn't know anyone, but the midwife came with two other ladies to help deliver you."

"When did Papa stop attacking you?"

"Right before the war ended, a couple days before he told me I was free to go."

"But not after I was born?"

"No"

"How long did he do that for?"

"Ten months"

Zhou had been looking at the curry brush in his hand until that last answer. Then he stopped what he was doing and looked up at his mother. She was shaking.

"He forced you for 10 months?"

Mulan wasn't able to speak, she just nodded. She was still shaking, and had to take several steps away from the barn to vomit on the ground.

"I'm sorry, Mama. I knew it was hard for you to talk about what Papa did to you. I shouldn't have kept asking you questions."

Zhou put his arm around his mother and brought her inside. He'd always felt protective of her, even more so now that he knew what she had been through.

"I guess you never really get over it all the way, do you?"

Still unable to speak, Mulan shook her head.

Zhou had been reading a scroll a few days ago about treating victims of war-related sexual assault. A senior medic had allowed him to bring several scrolls home with him, and he'd specifically asked to borrow that one. Talking with his mother had made what he read all the more real. Her inability to talk about it, or even being unable to speak after trying to talk about it, wasn't all that uncommon.

After getting Mulan some tea and sitting with her until she was calm again and had regained her voice, Zhou went outside. He knew his father was practicing martial arts.

Seeing Zhou approach, Shang stopped what he was doing. He'd seen Mulan in the barn with Zhou and knew what they were talking about. He'd also seen Mulan vomiting and then shaking as Zhou walked her back in the house. She'd never been able to talk about what he'd done to her more than a little at a time, if at all.

Shang could feel the anger radiating off his son.

"10 months, Papa? 10 months? You didn't tell me it had gone on so long. She was shaking after just talking about it a little bit, then it was like she lost her voice and couldn't speak anymore. She's still traumatized to this day and I'm 20 now. How the hell could you do that to another human being?"

Shang didn't dare take his eyes off his son, knowing he might throw a punch at any moment. Zhou had a temper, and true to his bloodline, didn't back down.

"If I could go back and change it, I would."

"But you can't. You never can."

Images flashed through Zhou's mind from his childhood.

Waking up nearly every night to the sound of his mother's screaming...

Her terrified face during flashbacks...

Pressing himself into a corner until she'd put her weapons down...

Running around the house lighting lamps and making her tea and waiting for her to stop screaming and looking so wild-eyed...

That was Zhou's life for years.

Rage boiled up inside him.

"You son of a bitch!" Zhou turned and raised his arm up to punch Shang, but Shang caught his arm and spun him around and shoved him away.

"Come at me like that again and you'll be flat on your back for a week."

Zhou stood staring at his father. He was an army general and his martial arts skills far exceeded his own. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing until he felt himself calming down.

"I told you she gets upset when she tries to talk about it. Why did you have to bring it up?"

"She came in and asked if I had any questions that hadn't been answered. I asked her how old she was when I was born and if she was scared. She told me about going to a strange village and having me. I asked her when you stopped, if you attacked her after I was born at all and how long it went on for. That was when I noticed she was shaking. I was flabbergasted that it'd gone on so long, so I asked her if it had gone on for 10 months to see if I'd heard correctly and she nodded and threw up. Then I took her in the house and got her tea and stayed by her until she could talk again."

"I'm sorry, Zhou, I shouldn't have assumed you brought it up and I shouldn't have blamed you for her being so upset."

"No. The only one you have to blame for her being so upset is yourself."

"I know. Boy, do I know."

"Papa, don't you start entertaining thoughts about falling on your sword again. Mama needs you. Qiang, Mingzhu and I need you. Grandma needs you. Killing yourself won't help her and it won't change the past at all."

"You're right. How did you get so wise?" Zhou's insight and wisdom was beyond his years. It always had been.

"I had to grow up way too quick. Years of being the only one there to calm her down did that. Do you have any idea what it was like almost every single night waking up to her screams? Watching her waving a sword or dagger around and waiting for her to put it down before I could move again?"

"That had to be terrifying."

"It was."

"I hope some day you can forgive me, Zhou."

"Maybe."

"That's better than never."

"I suppose."

Zhou turned and punched a tree several times. So that explained why there was patches of missing bark on so many trees at Wu Zhong, and at home.

"Hey, you need those hands to heal with. Don't mess them up!"

"Yeah, you're right."

Both men went in the house. Mulan had fallen asleep, finally appearing to be calm. But, it didn't last. A few hours later, the household was woken by her familiar screams. Zhou got up and made her tea while Shang dodged punches and reminded her to focus on the cherry blossoms in their room. About 20 minutes, countless dodged punches and two cups of tea later, she was calm enough to lay back down and try to sleep.

Three steps forward and two steps back. That's how it had always been for Mulan. She'd have good periods of few to no nightmares and bad spells of waking up nearly every night multiple times. Talking about the trauma had knocked her into a bad spell.

By the time Zhou and Shang had to go back to Wu Zhong, she'd entered back into a good spell.

On the way there, they happened to come upon some bandits attacking a brother and sister traveling on the same road. The bandits had killed the brother and were gang-raping the sister. Shang and Zhou were able to subdue and kill all three bandits.

After giving the woman a minute to get her tattered clothing back on, Zhou checked her over for injuries. It was obvious she was terrified of him and Shang. After a quick whispered conversation, they asked her if it was alright if they took her to their home. Mulan and Fa Li could take care of her. Her home was a day away and she had no other family.

Even though she was terrified of Shang and Zhou and all men, she agreed.

Mulan and Fa Li were mystified as to why they were returning back home. Shang and Zhou quickly filled her in on the girl's plight and Mulan was more than happy to take her in. Her name was Liu. She was 18.

After making sure she was settled, Shang and Zhou took off again, hurrying their horses to make up for lost time.

Mulan made up Zhou's bed for Liu and for the first many days she barely got up and didn't speak or eat.

Even when Fa Li insisted she drink tea, she refused for the first three days. Usually, Mulan's mother was able to get tea into anybody, anytime. After Zian's stillbirth, Mulan had refused to eat or drink except for when her mother shoved a tea cup into her face several times a day. Same with Shang after the barn fire. After Fa Zhou had returned home with serious war injuries all those years ago, for days she'd only been able to get tea in him.

Liu started having nightmares of the bandit attack, several times a night. Just as her family did for her, Mulan would light a lamp nearby and make her tea and sit with her until she calmed down.

After a few weeks, Liu and Mulan became close friends. Nine year old Mingzhu loved to follow her around and they became like sisters. She also became like a big sister to 6 year old Qiang.

After a month, Liu was experiencing morning sickness and missed her monthly bleeding. Not having been with anyone else, it was a direct result of her attack.

Mulan opened up about her own experience with a pregnancy after rape and became a source of emotional support. However, she left out the part about Shang being the one who raped her. She knew he would be back home in several months and wanted Liu to feel like she was safe living with their family.

Shang and Zhou returned home after an uneventful six month training period. Zhou made a bed in a different part of the house, so Liu could continue to stay in his room.

Right from the time he got home, Zhou and Liu got along like friends. She knew he, as well as Shang, had saved her life.

Her baby boy was born 3 months later. The same midwife who had delivered Mulan, Mingzhu and Qiang also delivered hers. She named him Wei.

When he was two months old, Liu and Zhou were married. She was 19 and Zhou was 21.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you Yira for encouraging me to continue this story and being my cheering section!**

Shortly after Shang and Zhou had left for 6 months, the Huns crossed over the wall. This time they were led by Shan Yu's son.

Much like Shan Yu's army, they were making their way to the Imperial City and destroying every village in their path. They never left survivors.

Once again, Wu Zhong was filled with foot soldiers, captains and generals as they prepared to face the enemy. Zhou was one of four medics, just as he had been when the Mongols had invaded. But this time he wasn't in training, although he knew there was always more to learn.

Shang remembered how the Huns had ambushed his company in the Tung Shou pass with flaming arrows. If they could find where the Huns were camped, they could try to beat them at their own game.

Imperial scouts were sent out and within a few days had located where the Huns were camped. Shang and another general took 4,500 men and two medics, including Zhou, to ambush their enemy.

Knowing that the Huns were experts in stealth, they left at sundown and reached the valley where they were camped. On a signal, each soldier fired flaming arrows from above the valley without stopping. Tents and weapon stores quickly caught fire.

The Huns began returning fire, using the burning objects around them to light the arrows. By the time they responded, it was too late. Only about 100 Huns survived.

Or so the Chinese thought.

A second Hun army had split off into a different camp, anticipating an attack from the Chinese.

Getting word of the ambush, they crept up on the Imperial army and started shooting as the Chinese were retreating. Many soldiers were lost as they exchanged fire with the second group of Huns.

As the Huns ran into the enemy lines, swords were drawn and direct combat occurred. A runner had been sent to summon the rest of the Imperial army. They left immediately to come to the aide of their comrades and surprise the second Hun army.

The Chinese were able to finally defeat the Huns and kill their leader, but the cost to their own had been enormous. Out of a total of 6,500 troops who had engaged in battle, 2,500 were lost. Another 500 injured, 200 critically.

As Zhou and the other three medics were working to stabilize the critical soldiers and prepare them for transport, the more stable wounded were taken back to Wu Zhong.

Among the gravely wounded was Shang. He'd been hit with flaming arrows twice, both of which had landed directly into his right upper leg. The second had pierced the bone. He was quickly growing weak from blood loss, so two of the medics worked quickly to stop the bleeding. Zhou was able to ride back to the camp with him.

Over the next two days, the four medics worked around the clock treating the wounded. Despite their efforts, more soldiers died, bringing the number of dead up to 2,600.

The bleeding from Shang's leg wounds had been stopped, but after 3 days infection began to set in. The wounds became red, hot and swollen and the pain in his leg increased. His body burned with fever, stealing his reason. Just like when he'd gotten wounded after the Mongol attack, a foot soldier was sent to bring Mulan. She left Mingzhu and Qiang with Liu and Fa Li.

Mulan stayed with Shang and kept cool rags on him in an effort to reduce the fever, but it stubbornly clung to him. His leg remained red and hot and the skin was pulled so tightly by the swelling that it was shiny.

In his feverish delirium, he began talking in his sleep. When Zhou came in to check on him, Mulan was bravely sitting next to him mopping him off with cool water, but he saw she was shaking. It didn't take him long to figure out why.

"He's wounded! Get help! Ping… Ping… Hold on. Hold on."

"Shut up, Ping! It's time to pay up. You owe me." Mulan was stunned for a moment. It almost brought her back to those days, hearing Shang speak as he had all those years ago, but with some meditation she was able to bring herself back to the present.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mulan. I'm sorry."

"Father, No! Mama! Mama!"

"You killed her! You killed my mother!"

"Thanks to your new friend Ping, you'll spend the night picking up every single grain of rice."

"Ping, dammit. Don't fight me!" Mulan shut her eyes and took several deep breaths. Shang's delirious murmurings were dredging up some very unpleasant memories.

Zhou whispered to his mother. "Who's Ping?"

"That was my name in the army."

Zhou put his arm around his mother and they watched helplessly as delirium tightened its grip on Shang.

"We're the only hope for the Emperor now!"

"Ping's a girl?"

"You're mine, you little bitch." Mulan visibly flinched. That was something the old Shang of years past had called her and she hadn't heard it in decades.

"Mama, are you ok?"

"I think so." Mulan was shaking and sweating, but determined to stay by Shang's side.

"Mama, you haven't slept."

"Neither have you, Zhou."

"I'm an army medic. I go days without sleep. I'm used to it. Go get something to eat from the mess tent and then take a nap in my tent. You don't need to see any more of this."

Mulan shook her head stubbornly.

"Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor."

"Mama, go! I've got him. Watching Papa so delirious isn't good for you. Not when we don't know what might come out of his mouth. Medic's order. Eat and rest."

Seeing he wasn't relenting, she stood up to go. "You sound just like my mother."

"Don't make me chase you with a cup of tea like Grandma. Go! I'll get you when his fever breaks."

After eating a bowl of rice and broth, Mulan walked around the camp. The moon was full and illuminated the camp with silvery light. It reminded her of the night she'd climbed the pole and retrieved the arrow Shang had shot at the top of it. She had been sent home that evening, due to an inability to keep up. Then instead of actually leaving, she used the weights and spent the entire night figuring out how to get to the top with them. When Shang had walked out of his tent that morning, she'd thrown the arrow at his feet. He'd decided to allow her to stay.

Mulan realized that the same determination that had gotten her to the top of that pole is the same determination she'd used to face adversity ever since. She laughed when she saw an arrow at the top and weights laying by the bottom of the pole. It had been 23 years, but she was determined to try.

It took her a couple hours, but she reached the top using the weights to pull herself up. When Zhou came out to get more water to keep Shang cooled, she threw the arrow at his feet. He laughed when he saw his 39 year old mother sitting at the top of the pole. He knew the story of her climb.

Mulan slid down and went to Zhou's tent to sleep and he hurried back to Shang's tent with more cool water from the lake.

At dawn, his fever had broken and he was sleeping quietly, no longer delirious. Zhou woke up his mother. He wasn't surprised to find her face and his pillow tear-stained. The stress of his father's illness had been difficult enough for her, but listening to his delirious chatter had shaken her. Seeing her reaction to it was heartbreaking.

Mulan tended to Shang while Zhou assumed care of several critically injured soldiers. Within a few hours, he was near passing out on his feet from several days without sleep. Another medic ordered him to his tent to rest, just as Zhou had done with his mother the day before. When Zhou resisted, the other medic summoned Mulan, and they both made sure Zhou ate and rested.

The encouraging sign of his fever breaking didn't last. Shang still hadn't regained consciousness. His entire leg was swollen and red. His toes were beginning to turn black.

Two days after the fever had broken, it returned. Zhou brought the other medics to Shang's tent and they discussed what to do. It was clear the general teetered between life and death.

They faced a difficult decision. His toes and now his foot were turning black. His leg was beginning to rot from the infection. Amputating his leg could cost him his life. Allowing the dead tissue to remain definitely would.

With Mulan's consent, the four medics made the decision to make a last ditch effort to save their general by amputating his leg. It would mean he would never lead an army again, if he were to recover.

Mulan stationed herself by the pole she had climbed a few days before. Of course, she would not be permitted to stay in the tent during Shang's surgery. But she hoped that the determination that the pole represented to her would somehow keep him alive.

It was hours before they were done. Mulan feared the worst when she finally saw a grim-faced Zhou emerge from the general's tent. Shang had survived the amputation procedure, but there was still a long road ahead, and no guarantees.

Mulan was shocked by how pale Shang was when she was finally allowed to see him. He had lost a fair amount of blood. She pulled the blanket back and looked at the stump that had once been his leg. It was wrapped in bandages. She knew that if he made it through the infection and surgical recovery, this would be next to impossible for him to accept. Her husband had been a strong, healthy general of the Imperial Army for over 22 years. He was a formidable opponent in martial arts and sword-fighting, and had trained thousands of soldiers. She quietly prayed to the ancestors that they would help him survive this, physically and mentally.

Shang remained unconscious for 5 more days after his procedure. Mulan knew it was a blessing that he was not awake to have to endure the physical pain. Even so, the medics gave him small amounts of opium frequently.

She and Zhou were there when he woke up.

"Mulan?"

"I'm here, Shang. So is Zhou."

"What happened?"

"Do you remember those arrows that hit your leg?"

"Yes"

"They made your leg get infected all the way to the bone. You spiked fevers and were delirious. Then your toes and foot started turning black." Mulan turned to Zhou, wanting him to explain to Shang about his leg.

"Papa, we had to take your leg. Otherwise the infection would have killed you."

"What do you mean, take my leg?" Shang pulled the blankets up and looked at his stump. "How am I supposed to be an army general with one leg?"

"Papa, if we didn't, you would have died."

"Maybe you should have let me." With that, Shang turned his face away from his wife and son.

For the next several weeks, he barely spoke. He just watched everyone and everything around him. Mulan and the medics struggled to get him to eat or drink anything. When he did speak, it was to ask them to let him die. Gradually, his appetite returned and color came back to his once ghostly white cheeks.

Whenever Mulan became discouraged and disheartened at the despair Shang felt over losing his leg, she climbed the pole. The soldiers at the camp, many of whom had not ever mastered retrieving the arrow, admired her determination and strength. Once, she spent a whole day with them as one by one they reached the top and threw the arrow at her feet with her instruction and encouragement.

After the last soldier had thrown the arrow and climbed down, she looked up to see Shang standing in the doorway of his tent on his one leg, with Zhou by his side and a sturdy crutch under each arm. The entire army cheered and saluted him as he made his way to the center of the camp. He smiled for the first time in months.

"General, every one of your soldiers has mastered the pole." Mulan told him proudly. "It's time for you to go home. Mingzhu and Qiang will be so happy to see you."

With help, he climbed into a cart for the trip home. Once again, the entire army saluted him and he saluted them back. He was glad he was alive.

It had been 8 months since Shang and Zhou had initially left home, and 6 months since Mulan had come to Wu Zhong. That's how long Shang's recovery had taken.

As Mulan predicted, Mingzhu and Qiang were ecstatic to see their father. They had known he was injured, but not how close he had come to dying. The sight of his stump saddened and shocked the two children, as well as Fa Li. But they were all happy and relieved he was alive.

After greeting his siblings, Zhou raced into the house to see Liu. He stopped short in shock at the sight of a newborn in her arms, with a one year old Wei by her side. She had discovered she was pregnant just after he'd left for Wu Zhong, and just given birth that morning. She'd sent a village boy to the camp to alert Zhou of her labor, and he had encountered them returning and had raced back to tell Fa Li they were already on their way. She'd only been in labor for a few short hours before giving birth to a baby girl.

Zhou and Liu named her Meili.

Shang and Mulan now had two grandchildren. Fa Li had three grandchildren, a granddaughter-in-law and two great-grandchildren. Wei may not have been of Fa blood, but he was very much a part of their family.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you Yira for encouraging me and being my cheering section!**

Shang learned to make his way around their home using his crutches. He even learned how to get up on his horse and ride, by building a small set of stairs to use for climbing up onto his horse's back.

The Li's also had a stubborn streak. Years of living with Fa's who never back down had also taught him to keep going.

He figured out how to fire an arrow while leaning on his crutches, and worked with Qiang and Mingzhu on their archery skills. He also hunted for food frequently with Qiang.

But he had a difficult time with not being able to do martial arts any longer. He had always looked forward to teaching Qiang how to fight, but now had to leave that for Zhou to continue.

Zhou did continue instructing Mingzhu and Qiang both in their martial arts skills. Mingzhu began beating him as she grew older. By the time she was 15 and he 26, she was a strong opponent. Her mother's daughter, through and through.

She often went to the village market by herself to get needed items for the family. On one such day, after making several purchases, she stopped to admire several horses for sale. One, in particular, was black and tall and appeared to be very strong. His eyes were green, much like Khan, the horse her mother had grown up with and had told her many stories of.

Having been given permission from her father to buy a horse, she bargained with the owner for the price and paid a small amount down. He wanted her to bring the rest of the gold she owed to his house the next day and he would hand over the horse.

She relayed this plan to her family members, who wondered why she couldn't just complete the transaction at the market. Zhou and Mulan offered to go with her, but she refused, feeling capable of handling this alone.

The horse merchant's house was an hour walk from her own. She knocked on the door and he beckoned her in, saying he had several items for the horse in the house waiting for her. As soon as she crossed the threshold, he grabbed her and shoved her against the wall. He attempted to silence her screams with a forceful kiss, obviously unaware of her years of martial arts instruction. In moments, he was flat on the ground with her foot over his neck and several broken ribs.

Her assailant tried to pull her down on top of him, but instead found himself being flipped to his stomach with his nearby sword held to his neck. He flinched as it cut into his flesh just enough to make him hold still and cooperate.

Mingzhu threw the rest of the owed money on the floor next to him. "I believe you owe me a horse!" She shouted at him.

"How did a mere girl learn how to fight like that?"

"My older brother and my father. Would you like me to have Li Zhou come demonstrate his skills for you? I'm sure he would be happy to, after I tell him of your behavior."

"Your one-legged father could never beat me."

"He wouldn't need to. My 12 year old brother could do it for him. Never mess with a Li. Did you forget we're a military family?"

She let him stand up but kept the sword at his neck.

"Now! The horse!"

He pointed to where the horse's bridle lay. It was in his bedroom. This had all been his plan, to lure Mingzhu to his house and rape her, then offer to marry her to restore her honor.

Keeping the sword aimed at her would-be assailant, she retrieved the bridle.

"Wise of you to cooperate. I'll spare your life. I can't promise the same about the male members of my family."

"Go, get the horse and leave."

Mingzhu kept the sword aimed at him as she walked backwards out the door, then threw it on the ground.

She saddled up her new horse and galloped home. Now that the threat was over, she had started to shake with fear and anger. But she knew she had won. Her mother had told her Fa's never back down and Li's face every threat head on. She was a fighter by blood.

After introducing the new horse to the barn and caring for him, she ran into the house and told her close-knit family about the horse merchant attempting to rape her. The adults and Qiang were beyond furious.

"Come on, Zhou and Qiang. Let's show this fool what happens when you mess with one of us." Shang had jumped up onto his crutches and was almost out the door already.

Mulan, Liu and Fa Li comforted Mingzhu with tea and hugs while Zhou, Qiang and Shang saddled up and set off.

Although he was dependant on crutches and unable to fight, Shang refused to stay home. This was his daughter that this man had tried to violate.

On the ride over, he envisioned what would have happened had Fa Zhou known what he had done to Mulan. Shang would have been killed on the spot, no doubt. He could imagine a loving father's rage at discovering an only daughter was brutally and repeatedly violated.

Arriving at the horse merchant's estate, they dismounted and charged into the house. Knowing what was coming, the man tried to run through the side door, but Zhou caught him. Qiang blocked one doorway while Shang blocked the other and Zhou rendered the man unconscious after making sure he knew how foolish his actions had been.

The last words the coward heard before blacking out were a warning to never cross their family again or he would face certain death. They left him laying on the floor in his own blood, unsure if he actually would wake up.

He did wake up, and after many days resumed selling his horses. But he never attempted to do anything of that nature again. The extended time it took for his broken ribs, vertebrae and facial bones to heal served to remind him of his most unwise folly. He had raped and then married teenaged girls twice before, and brutally beaten them to death. Neither had grown up with families who loved and valued them like Mingzhu's family did her.

Mingzhu was fortunate to have the martial arts skills and the love of her family to enable her to escape a similar fate. Had the fool succeeded in raping her, he would have been certainly killed rather than be allowed to marry Shang and Mulan's beloved daughter.

Many families around them did not value women as anything more than property and playthings, but in the Fa and Li household they were treated with love and respect. Mingzhu and Meili were taught to expect and accept nothing less.

Four year old Meili's own lessons in martial arts began in earnest after Mingzhu's ordeal. Shang had always been adamant that every female family member be able to defend themselves, more so now. Liu had been learning since her arrival and Mulan had kept up her skills. Even Fa Li, at 60, was able to defend herself, having learned fighting skills over the years. She had learned from Fa Zhou and, after his death, kept up her skills with Mulan and Shang. Grandma Fa, having been a rape victim herself, had insisted her son teach his wife martial arts.

Word got around their village about Mingzhu beating her would-be attacker. Other teenage girls and even the younger girls in the village began to ask Mingzhu for self-defense lessons. With Shang and Mulan's permission, she taught them the moves she had used on the horse merchant, among others. Women from the village asked Mulan and Liu to teach them to defend themselves, too.

Mulan, Liu and Mingzhu couldn't change how some of the men in the village still regarded women, but they could empower the women around them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you Yira for encouraging me and being my cheering section!**

 **(A lot of choice words in this one.)**

When Mingzhu turned 16, she was old enough to go to the Matchmaker's. Mulan, however, was reluctant to make her go. Her own experience with the Matchmaker 28 years prior had been a disaster.

But Mingzhu decided to face the Matchmaker head on, figuring that if she'd beaten the horse merchant she could get through this, too. After all, a Li never runs from a threat and a Fa never backs down.

The day came and the village women helped Mulan, Liu and Fa Li prepare Mingzhu for her Matchmaker test. Mulan made certain no lucky crickets tagged along to cause trouble.

Seeing her daughter all made up like a bride made Mulan's throat tighten. Hadn't this beautiful young lady just been born last week? She worried about the man Mingzhu would marry, hoping whoever it would be would never mistreat her. But she also knew deep inside that not only would Shang, Zhou and Qiang never stand for that, Mingzhu herself would not tolerate being mistreated.

It was a different Matchmaker than the one Mulan had faced, but to her she was no less unpleasant. Tall, obese, cranky and single. Single! How did an unmarried woman claim to know what a man would want in a wife?

"Li Mingzhu"

The sound of her daughter's name made Mulan jump. Her daughter stood up without answering "present" as she had done and calmly walked inside the Matchmaker's house.

Several minutes later, however, Mingzhu could be heard screaming at the Matchmaker.

"I don't care if a man doesn't like that I can defend myself and whip his ass if I need to. If my family hadn't taught me how to fight, that horse merchant would have raped me. So it's a damn good thing I knew what to do. If you say one more word about my mother being a failure or my father being crippled, I'll whip YOUR ass."

Mulan's first reaction was to laugh, but she stifled it as her outspoken 16 year old daughter flew through the doors and stomped out to the road. The Matchmaker was close on her heels.

"Li Mingzhu, you are a disgrace!"

Mulan's eyes narrowed. How dare she?

"No, I am not a disgrace. I just don't put up with bullshit from bitches like you!"

Then she turned to her family. Fa Li looked shocked and Mulan and Liu were still stifling laughs.

"Mama, I don't care if I ever get married. She's not gonna talk about my family that way."

Mulan put her arm around her. "It's alright. Let's go home."

As they turned to head back home, the horse merchant of all people approached them with a marriage offer. The words were barely out of his mouth when he found himself face to face with Zhou, Shang and Qiang. He hadn't seen Mingzhu's male family members standing nearby. He had only seen Fa Li, Mulan, Liu and Mingzhu, along with the two grandchildren.

Zhou spoke first. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing? Didn't we tell you to stay away from our family, especially Mingzhu?"

"I... I thought since her Matchmaker's test was such a failure, that you'd reconsider my offer to marry her."

Shang leaned on one of his crutches to free up his hand and grabbed the horse merchant by the collar. "Don't think I couldn't kill you just because I have one leg. We told you in no uncertain terms to stay the hell away from her. I would never in a million years let her marry you."

He leaned on his other crutch, freeing up both arms, and punched the cowardly horse merchant several times and threw him on the ground. "He's obviously slow to learn a lesson, boys. Maybe you should remind him why he shouldn't fuck with us."

Zhou and Qiang kicked and punched him until he was once again unconscious, then kept on beating him. Then they dragged his limp body to his house and dumped him on the doorstep as the rest of the family walked home.

As he walked away, Shang heard one village man talking to another. "Wow, don't cross the Li's!" He turned towards them. "Damn right!" Then he joined the rest of the family heading home.

Being the father of a teenage girl had brought out a special protectiveness in Shang. Mingzhu was the same age now that Mulan had been when he'd started raping her in the army. The thought of any man touching his daughter made him want to fly into a rage. Thinking about what he had done to her mother made him physically ill now.

Walking slightly behind the rest of his family, he watched Mingzhu. She was so beautiful, so innocent. Just like Mulan had once been, until he'd stolen it.

When he got home, he went right to the temple and knelt down on his good leg and stump, lighting some incense and staying there well past dark. When Qiang came out to tell him supper was ready, he said he wasn't hungry. He knew he had unfinished business in the temple.

"Fa Zhou, I am so sorry for what I put your daughter through. After you died and would have learned what I did to her, I'm surprised you didn't come from beyond the grave and kill me. Now that I'm the father of a 16 year old girl, I see even more just how sick I was and how wrongfully I acted. I hope you believe that I truly do love Mulan."

A sudden cold blast of air struck him and nearly knocked him over. He recognized it right away. A father's anger. Icy cold wrath. Years ago, Mulan had told him she thought her father had forgiven him. But he had never come into the temple alone in 20 years, knowing he would have to confront Fa Zhou's anger towards him.

But now he felt like he shouldn't put it off any longer. He had confronted his own father twice, when he had visited the valley where his army had been defeated. He had known all along he would eventually need to do this, to make it right with Mulan's father and grandmother.

"I'm sorry." Tears were running down his cheeks now, as he remembered the tortured look in Mulan's eyes that had appeared the first time he had raped her, and how it had constantly lingered for years.

He remembered her pale, frightened face, more often than not bruised by his fists, always staring at the tent ceiling as he forced himself on her. Every night for ten months he'd hit her, punched her, dug his knee into her and stolen her innocence. Never once had he stopped to realize she was a human being, and someone's daughter.

How had she ever forgiven him and fallen in love with him?

He found himself wishing he had a sword to fall on. He didn't deserve to live. Suddenly, he found a dagger in his sash that he had forgotten about. It was later at night, now. No one would be awake to stop him. He pulled it out and looked at it. Then pointed it towards his chest and took a deep breath.

"Don't do it."

He looked up. It was Mulan.

"I fell asleep and my father came to me in a dream and told me to come out here, that you were about to kill yourself."

"Mingzhu is the same age you were. Every time I see her, I remember the hell I put you through. When I think about any man treating our daughter like that, I get so angry and then I remember for a time I was that man."

"27 years ago, Shang. That's how long it's been now." She held out her hand. "Give me the dagger, Shang."

He placed it in Mulan's open hand. How many times had she stopped him from killing himself?

"Any other weapons on you?"

"No, there's not."

She pulled his sash away then put it back, satisfied he wasn't hiding any more daggers there. But then she checked under the top of his robe and found another hidden dagger and confiscated it.

"I know. You're a military man and you carry daggers. But not when you're suicidal."

"Thank you, Mulan, for coming out here. I love you. And I'm sorry."

"I know you are. And I love you, too, Shang. Stop beating yourself up for the past and focus on who you need to be now. You're a father and a grandfather now, not to mention a husband and son-in-law."

"But you were so young, so innocent."

"Shang, just who are you helping with this self-hate party you're throwing yourself?"

"Nobody?"

"That's right. Nobody. Enough, ok?"

"Ok"

Mulan held her hand out to him to help him back up on his leg and handed him his crutches. Then they walked back to the house and fell asleep snuggled up together.

Twenty years they'd been married now. Mulan had long ago lost count of how many times she'd stopped Shang from killing himself.

She remembered the first time she'd seen him holding a sword towards his own heart.

 _Zhou was 5 and Shang was supposed to come over to take him riding on his horse, Zen. When he didn't show, she and Zhou rode over to his house. His horse was in the stall. Not getting an answer when she knocked, she told Zhou to wait by Khan._

 _Taking a deep breath and fearing the worst, she pushed open the door. Shang was kneeling on the floor away from her, and she could see the empty scabbard next to him. Running into the house, she attempted to yank the sword out of his hands._

 _"No. Let me be."_

 _"Give me the sword. Now!"_

 _"I don't deserve to live. Let me!"_

 _"No, Shang. You're a father now. Zhou needs you."_

 _"Nobody needs me. I'm a monster and a rapist. The world would be better off without me."_

 _"That's not who you are anymore. Now give me the damn sword."_

 _"Why do you care if I kill myself after what I did to you?"_

 _"Because you're Zhou's father, that's why."_

 _Just at that moment, Zhou came in, disobeying Mulan's instruction to stay by Khan._

 _"Baba? What are you doing? You were supposed to take me riding."_

 _Shang stood up and took Zhou's hand. "Ok, Zhou, let's go saddle up and take a ride on Zen."_

 _Before he walked out with his son, he turned to Mulan._

 _"Thank you. I'll bring him home later."_

 _"You're welcome. Have fun."_

Another time Mulan had to talk Shang down from killing himself was when Zhou was 6.

 _It was a few months after her horse accident. While he had been staying at her house and taking care of her and Zhou, Shang had seen several of her panic attacks. He knew he was the reason she had them. She'd noticed him growing more despondent and quiet after he'd gone back home._

 _Fearing he'd become suicidal again, she checked on him frequently. One particular time, she didn't find him in his house, so she walked around to the back yard. He was up in a tree hanging up a rope to hang himself with. As she ran up to the base of the tree, he was tying the rope around his neck and preparing to jump._

 _"Shang, no! Stop!"_

 _"Leave me alone, Mulan! You're better off without me. So is Zhou."_

 _"Zhou needs you."_

 _"Where is he? I don't want him to see me like this."_

 _"He's at home. Shang, you're drunk. Get down off that tree now. Did you go to the tavern again last night to drink away the anniversary of your father's death? You must have drank a lot to still be drunk !"_

 _"Yes, I did. 7 years. The only thing my father ever said that was true is that I'm worthless. All I've ever done is hurt you."_

 _"Did you forget you took care of me and Zhou and Khan after my accident, plus your own home and Zen? And looked after my chickens? That doesn't sound worthless to me. Now get down before you fall. But get that rope off your neck, first."_

 _"Ok, I will."_

 _Shang dropped the rope from around his neck and climbed down._

 _"Now go sleep it off. I'm gonna cut this down so you don't get any ideas again."_

 _As he went in the house, Mulan climbed up the tree and cut the rope down and burned it._

Now laying next to Shang and watching him sleep, Mulan was very glad she'd been able to stop him again. She whispered a quiet "thank you" to her father for warning her in her sleep that Shang was in the temple about to kill himself.

She'd come so close to losing him five years ago when infection had taken his leg and nearly his life. She knew she didn't want to live without him.

Mulan kissed his lips and whispered "I love you" in his ear. He smiled in his sleep and pulled her closer to him. "Good night." Then she, too, fell asleep, snuggled up to the man she'd been in love with for 20 years.

Not really feeling like he resolved anything, Shang returned to the temple the following night, but not until Mulan had performed a dagger check on him first.

After lighting the incense and kneeling down, Shang felt a cold breeze again. Not like the cold, harsh wind that had nearly knocked him over the night before, but not friendly and gentle, either.

"I'm sorry, Fa Zhou. I'm sorry, Grandma Fa." Shang whispered. He stayed there for several minutes.

"I thought I'd forgiven myself. But, I guess not. Maybe I never will."

A gentler, warmer breeze blew through the temple. He felt like Fa Zhou and Grandma Fa truly had forgiven him.

"Thank you!"

He stayed there several more minutes, until the moon and stars were bright in the sky. He hadn't completely found peace, but he did feel like his soul was more peaceful than it had ever been before.


	15. Chapter 15

Zhou had never forgotten the promise he'd made to Mingzhu on the day she was born. When he'd held her for the first time, he'd promised to always watch over her.

Even though he wasn't there to initially protect her from the horse merchant's attempt to rape her, they'd beaten the coward twice. Mostly himself and Qiang, but Shang had gotten some punches in the 2nd time around.

The second beating the horse merchant received from the Li's turned out to be fatal. He never woke up. His wives and concubines were finally free from their life of physical and verbal abuse and rape. Though they never verbalized it to the Li's, they were grateful.

When she was 17, Mingzhu, Liu and the grandkids visited Zhou at Wu Zhong for his 28th birthday. While there one of the other medics, Ling, took notice of Mingzhu. He was the same age as Zhou.

After the two women had returned home, Ling had asked about her. Zhou had known him for five years, and had spent 6 months out of every year with him for the past 4 years. His first impulse was to tell the other medic to get lost. But he reconsidered.

There was a smaller, younger soldier that Ling had treated for several injuries sustained during training. Zhou finally treated him once when he was knocked unconscious in a sparring match, as Ling had been occupied with a soldier burned by a wayward cannon.

Several minutes after Zhou had carried the soldier into his medical tent, Ling came running in, looking panicked.

"I'll treat him, I'll treat him."

"No, I got him. Go take care of the burned soldier."

"You don't understand. I have to be the one to treat this soldier."

Something jogged Zhou's memory. His mother had been discovered when she was wounded. His father had been very protective of her secret once he discovered it, and for sinister reasons.

He put down what he was doing.

"What don't I understand? Is this soldier a female?"

"Yes. How did you guess that?"

"My mother snuck into the army at 16 and masqueraded as a boy to prevent my disabled grandfather, General Fa Zhou, from going back to war. She was discovered when she was wounded by Shan Yu's sword after setting off the avalanche."

"Did you already know about this soldier?"

"No. I hadn't started to treat her yet, since I was still just gathering supplies. Now, I have one question to ask you, and you better tell me the truth. Have you been having relations with her at all?" Zhou's eyes burned into Ling's.

Ling was taken back by the anger and ferocity in Zhou's expression. Why so intense? "No, Zhou, I haven't. Not at all and I swear on my ancestors. I've been totally appropriate with her. I've been protecting her because I didn't want her to be discovered and killed. I would never take advantage of her. Why do you ask?"

Suddenly, it dawned on Ling. "Is that what happened to your mother?"

Zhou looked down at the supplies in front of him, unsure how to answer. His voice caught in his throat and he took a deep breath. "Yes. The medic discovered her identity and revealed it to the captain, who began sexually assaulting her while guarding her secret from everyone else."

"How did you know about that?"

"She told me once I reached adulthood. All my life, she's had nightmares of it that cause her to wake up screaming. I was the only one to calm her down for a long time. So she felt like I deserved to know why." It wasn't exactly what had happened, but close enough. Zhou didn't want to explain about confronting his father about all their family secrets.

"Was it your father? Wasn't he the captain when Shan Yu first invaded and much of the Hun army was wiped out in an avalanche?"

Zhou stared at his hands. He hadn't wanted anyone else to know the truth about his father. The silent moments awkwardly dragged on while Ling's question hung in the air and he waited for an answer.

When Zhou remained quiet, Ling realized that he must have been right, and closed his eyes as it sunk in. The former General Li?

"Your mother set off the famous avalanche?"

"Yes, it was her. And yes, it was my father. But, please don't tell anyone else. Only my grandmother and myself know, besides them. My father has always been highly respected, and I want to keep it that way. He's a totally changed man now, and he loves my mother very much and she loves him. And don't ever let on to them that you know, if you were ever to meet them. My younger siblings don't know, and likely never will."

"I swear I won't tell anyone else, and I won't say anything to your family if I ever meet them. And you won't tell anyone the truth about this soldier, correct?"

Zhou promised to keep it a secret.

At that point, the young soldier started to wake up. Seeing Zhou, she panicked, but Ling quickly assured her it was ok and she wouldn't be turned in. She had snuck into the army to avoid an arranged marriage to a man over 3 times as old as her 18 years.

For the rest of the training, Zhou kept her identity a secret and Ling never shared what Zhou had told him about his family. He did watch Ling around the soldier, and had absolutely no reason to believe she was being sexually assaulted. When the training was done, she made her home in a different village, just like Mulan did, but for completely different reasons.

It was this that convinced Zhou that Ling may make a worthy future mate for his baby sister.

When Zhou returned home, he talked to Mulan and Shang about Ling, who both thought he sounded trustworthy. With their permission, Zhou delivered to Mingzhu a letter that Ling had penned if their parents were to approve.

Ling and Mingzhu began writing back and forth and became betrothed with the approval of both sets of parents.

Zhou and Shang took Qiang to the military academy near the Imperial City. He would be there for four years, with only one visit home a year. Mulan stayed home to tend to Fa Li, who was ill.

The journey home gave Zhou and Shang a chance to talk. It had been 8 years since Zhou had learned the truth about his parents and his birth. Their relationship had been cooperative and civil but somewhat strained ever since.

The two of them detoured and visited the Tung Shou pass and the valley where Shang's father's army had fallen. The sword was no longer in the ground after 29 years. But the whole area was just as still and quiet and somber as it had always been, as if the ghosts of the slaughtered villagers and army still dwelt there. The village had never been and would never be rebuilt and the valley was untouched.

Shang always felt his father's presence at the Pass, whenever he came to pay his respects. This visit was no different. He knelt where the sword used to be and talked to his father's spirit again as Zhou stood back with the horses.

Watching his father, and seeing the tears on his cheeks, Zhou decided he finally forgave Shang for what he had done to his mother.

Everybody missed Qiang, but especially Mulan. Fortunately, 7 year old Wei and 6 year old Meili kept her occupied. Plus, Liu was pregnant again.

Two years earlier, Liu had lost twin boys at nearly full term. It had been similar to what happened when Mulan lost Zian. She'd been feeling them kick and move around until about 2 months before she had figured they were due. Then all became still in her womb.

Thankfully, Zhou had not been at Wu Zhong when it happened. He'd been home for about a month. Two days after their movements had ceased, the two pale, still boys were born with entwined umbilical cords. The family buried them next to Zian. Zhou and Liu had named them Kang and Lei.

This time around, Zhou and Liu hoped all would be well. In the expected amount of time, Liu gave birth to a healthy baby boy. They named him Chen, which had been the name of Liu's brother who had been murdered in the bandit attack.

Unfortunately, Fa Li's illness never improved and she died at the age of 62 and Mulan was 45. Mulan took her death very hard, taking to sitting for hours under the Mudan tree on the stone bench just as her mother had done after her father's and grandmother's deaths. Just like her mother had been comforted by Zhou, it was Wei and Meili who comforted Mulan. Shang was also able to comfort her, having lost both his parents.

Knowing her mother was mourning her grandmother so deeply, 17 year old Mingzhu put off marrying Ling until Mulan started coping better. Ling's village was 50 miles away, so she would not be able to visit often.

It wasn't until Mingzhu was 18 that they were married. It broke her heart to leave her beloved family, after they had all been through so much together. But she was torn, because she also loved Ling and wanted to spend her life with him. He promised her they would visit once a year at least, and in the meantime they would exchange letters. With a heavy heart and tear-soaked cheeks, Mingzhu bid them all goodbye and left to begin her new life with Ling.

On the way out of the village, they passed the horse merchant's abandoned home. Mingzhu rode in and spit on his grave, then they continued their journey. Ling was slightly shocked, but he knew his new wife was full of fire and fight. She could match him in sparring. She had told him the story of the horse merchant, so he spit on the grave as well.

Before they had left, Shang and the two brothers had a private word with Ling. Qiang had come home from military school for the occasion. Even though the new groom had repeatedly proven himself trustworthy, they made damn sure he knew he needed to treat Mingzhu like gold or die. The consequences would be dire, as no one crossed a Li and lived to tell about it. Especially when that Li was Mingzhu. The horse merchant was a prime example of the Li's fierce family loyalty.

Ling promised to treasure Mingzhu and protect their daughter and sister with his life, just as her family had done.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Kind of a short but sad chapter. Thanks for the reviews, Yira, le. pechi , L, attackofthenight.**

Mulan keenly felt the emptiness around the home after Mingzhu married. Qiang was still away at military school and Fa Li had passed away the year before.

Fortunately, Wei, Meili and Chen kept her busy. She helped Liu teach them to read and write.

When Mulan started feeling nauseous and tired, the possibility of another pregnancy was the last thing on her mind. It wasn't until she'd missed her monthly bleeding a few times and then started to show that it dawned on her that she was pregnant again.

As surprised as her and Shang were, they were also very happy, even if 46 did seem like a late age for a woman to have a baby.

Mulan's nightmares came back with a vengeance with this pregnancy. When she'd been pregnant with Mingzhu, the nightmares had been bad. With Zian's and Qiang's pregnancies, it had been easier.

There was one nightmare that had always haunted her more than the others.

 _In the nightmare, she'd labored alone all night in her cold army tent. The pains started after Shang had been in her tent forcing her again. Right before he'd left, he'd punched her belly and dug his knee deep into her abdomen. A sharp pain ripped through her, leaving her almost unable to breathe as she struggled through it._

 _The contractions gradually got more painful and closer together. A gush of fluid soaked her mat. Mulan was terrified to deliver the baby completely alone._

 _Finally, she felt the baby's head trying to come out, and bit through her lip trying not to scream as she delivered a baby girl. She cried and Mulan was terrified someone would hear. She cut the cord with a hidden dagger after tying it off with a handful of her hair._

 _She wrapped the baby up in an extra tunic she had and started to feed her when Shang stormed into the tent._

" _What is it?"_

" _A girl."_

 _He'd grabbed the baby and strangled her to death right in front of Mulan while she pleaded for her daughter's life. Then his hands had tightened around her own neck and everything went black._

She always woke up screaming from this nightmare.

The other nightmare she had wasn't about the baby, just about Shang.

 _After her shift of night watch was over, she'd gone to her tent, knowing that any minute she'd have company._

 _This particular night Shang didn't just leave when he was done. He pulled the tent entrance back and hollered out to the rest of the army camp that he had a naked woman for them._

 _Countless soldiers, her comrades, came into her tent and raped her until she passed out from the pain._

Thankfully, it was just a dream, and had never happened. But the fear of it had lurked in Mulan's subconscious and came out in her nightmares. She always woke up screaming and fighting, and usually cursing at Shang. (Hence, their children's colorful vocabularies as they grew up.)

As always, Mulan's terror went in waves. She'd have months or years with few panic episodes and nightmares. Then something would set them off and they'd come back in full force, sometimes several times a night.

She longed to be free from the invisible bonds of her long-ago traumas. With the return of her nightmares came the return of Shang being suicidal. She had to hide daggers and swords. Twenty-nine years later, his actions still haunted them both.

Baby Xia arrived healthy and screaming her lungs out, in true Li and Fa fashion. It took Mulan longer to bounce back after this birth than with the others, most likely because of her age. Meili and Wei, along with Liu, were able to help Mulan with Xia as she recovered.

Mingzhu and Ling came to visit when Xia was a month old. Mingzhu herself was with child, and due in about five months. They stayed for 3 days, then headed back home.

Four months later, a messenger came to the house. Mulan answered the door and let him in so he could deliver his message. Mingzhu and her baby had both died after a long, difficult labor. After hearing this news, Mulan screamed "No, no, no , no… Not Mingzhu!" Shang hopped out to her in record time on his crutches and held her where she had collapsed on the floor with Xia in her arms while they both wept. Liu comforted her three children, who started crying for their beloved aunt, while tears ran like a waterfall down her own cheeks.

The entire family was devastated. A message was sent to Qiang in military school, and he missed two week's worth of class and training after sequestering himself in his room for several days.

A message was sent to Zhou at Wu Zhong, but he wasn't able to leave. Ling had been at the camp but had left when a messenger had brought a message that Mingzhu was in labor and understandably he hadn't returned yet. This left Zhou as the only medic for 600 training soldiers until a replacement could be brought up from reserves. He barely had time to mourn his sister, but spent any free moment he could sitting in a solitary spot up in a tree that he had claimed as his own at the pond at Wu Zhong.

Everything stopped at the Li house. Mulan stayed in bed with baby Xia for several days and refused to eat, but only drank tea when told to. Liu had to keep the household going, often crying as she cared for her young children and prepared meals.

Shang spent his days riding his horse or shooting arrows at a target until his fingers bled. This reminded him of when he'd taught Mingzhu to shoot, and often tears filled his eyes to the point of not being able to aim.

Gradually, Mulan began to get out of bed more and come back to life. She broke down in tears frequently whenever something or other around the house would remind her of her oldest daughter. If it hadn't been for baby Xia, she would have shut down completely, but the tiny girl gave her a reason to open her eyes and get up every day.

She spent many a night in the temple with Xia in her arms, talking to her parents' spirits and the spirit of her grandmother. They had both lost children and she knew they would understand. Fa Zhou's older sister had died in childbirth. Mulan's own parents had lost a son soon after she was born. He'd been three, and was stricken with fever and seizures and died within just two days.

Shang often joined her out in the temple and they mourned together. He remembered Ling's promise to take care of Mingzhu, but tried to remind himself that there was nothing Ling could have done. Even though he was a medic, he couldn't save his own wife from the traumatic labor that took her life and that of their child.

The tragedy of Mingzhu's death, much like the many trials they had weathered in the 22 years they'd been married, brought them closer together and they helped each other to keep going every day and not give up.


	17. Chapter 17

One night while kneeling in the temple with baby Xia, Mulan started to realize how many loved ones had left her. Her father had died when Zhou was 7 and they had just come to stay two weeks before. Her Grandma Fa had died several months later. When Zhou was 12, she lost baby Zian. Zhou and Liu had lost twin boys.

Her mother had died two years before, and now her oldest daughter Mingzhu had died in childbirth, along with her baby. She petitioned the ancestors to not let any more of her loved ones be taken from her.

When Qiang was 17, he got to go work under Zhou and Ling at Wu Zhong for hands-on medic training. He had decided to follow his older brother's footsteps. The two brothers often spent the evenings sparring together and with others. It was imperative that medics also be able to fight, so the two senior medics kept their skills up while Qiang worked on sharpening his.

It was on one particularly warm evening that Qiang noticed something odd. He looked around and realized every other soldier removed their tunic for sparring, but Zhou never did. In fact, Qiang realized he had never seen Zhou without a tunic on.

Later, he asked his brother about why he never saw him bare chested.

"I'm bare chested around Liu."

"I'm sure you are, and I don't want to hear about that. But I'm talking about when you're sparring, or when it's really hot. You always have it on."

"I've just got a lot of scars, that's all."

"What's so shameful about scars? Plenty of these guys have scars. In fact, they're proud of them. You're not making any sense, Zhou."

"Qiang, let's go take a walk around the pond."

"Okay, then will you tell me what's up with you and tunics?"

"Probably"

When they were on the other side of the pond from the rest of the camp, Zhou removed his tunic. Across his entire chest was a silvery, jagged scar.

"Besides Liu, you're the first person to ever see this."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Mama and Papa don't even know about it. The guys here all call me 'Tunic' because I'm never seen without it."

"So what is it from?"

Zhou looked at Qiang and took a deep breath. Then he shut his eyes for a minute. When he opened them, there were tears peeking out of the corners.

"You know the nightmares Mama gets?"

"Yeah. They used to really frighten me. So?"

"I know what you mean. Well, she used to sleep with swords and daggers, and when she had a nightmare she'd wake up either flailing a sword around or wielding daggers. Once, I got too close to her when I was about 5 and her sword nailed me across the chest. She was so out of it from her panic that she didn't see. It wasn't real deep and I quickly wrapped it up with some bandages we had, and have worn tops nearly constantly ever since. Mama never knew."

"You mean you've kept this scar covered for 26 years, and only myself and Liu have seen it?"

"Yup. When my arm was slashed rescuing Papa from the Mongols, I wrapped it up myself."

"Wait a minute. Where was Papa when this happened? Did she ever nail him with a sword? Didn't he know when you got cut?"

Zhou stared up at the stars, deciding what he should and shouldn't tell his younger brother. He didn't think his family's secrets would ever affect Qiang, so he didn't think this would ever come up. He was wrong.

Zhou took another deep breath, and decided to spill it.

"Qiang, what I'm about to tell you is something you can't tell another soul, and don't let on to Mama and Papa that you even know about this."

"Ok..." Now Qiang's curiosity was piqued. What other secrets did Zhou have?

"Seriously, Qiang. Don't tell them I told you, and don't tell anyone else."

"I won't, Zhou. Now what is it?"

"Do you know the story of how Mama snuck into the army to save Grandpa Fa and set off the avalanche that killed so many Huns?"

"Yeah, I've heard a little bit of that story, but not much."

"Well, she got cut by Shan Yu's sword right after she set it off. Then the medic treating her found out she was a girl, and told Papa, who was her captain at the time. He kept it a secret, and didn't kill her, even though by law he should have."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"That part is good, yes. But what wasn't good was what he did to Mama after he knew her secret."

"What do you mean, what he did to her?"

"He started raping her every day. That's why she has panic attacks and nightmares. She got pregnant and had me right after the war ended. Papa didn't live with us until I was 7. That's when they got married. Before that, for a long time, Mama didn't want much to do with him. So that's why he wasn't there when it happened."

Qiang's face turned red and his eyes narrowed as what Zhou was telling him sunk in. He rammed his fist into a tree and kicked it. What was it with Li sons and trees?

"So until you were 7, it was just you and Mama?"

"Yeah. Papa was around, but not all the time and not for most of her panic attacks."

"You should show them that scar, you know."

"Why? To give Papa another reason to hold a dagger to his chest until Mama talks him down? Give Mama another reason to cry in the temple all night?"

"Yeah, good point. Mama sure has been through a lot."

"Yeah, I know. Every night for years, it was just me when she had panic attacks and nightmares."

"Wow, I had no idea. I always thought you'd grown up with Mama and Papa together, just like I did. So it was up to you to calm her down every night and you were just a kid?"

"Yes"

"Papa must have changed a lot. He sure loves her now."

"Yes, he has changed a lot."

"Qiang, don't let on that you know. Mama was upset when Papa told me about what he did. When I was 20, I asked Papa why he didn't live with us when I was younger, and why we never visited Grandma and Grandpa Fa before I was seven. That's when he told me what he did. So don't let on."

"OK. I won't. So why did they stay away from Grandma and Grandpa Fa for so long?"

"Mama didn't want to come home from the war single and hugely pregnant, so she preferred for her parents to think her dead than for her to bring dishonor with an illegitimate pregnancy. Soon after they got married, she ran into a cousin who told her Grandpa Fa was ill, so we finally traveled to their home."

"Wow, Zhou. You were able to meet Grandpa Fa before he died? I studied him in school."

"So did I. He was an amazing man. That's where Mama got her courage from."

"Yes, you're right."

"Qiang, I miss Mingzhu."

"So do I. Does Ling ever talk about her?"

"Not very much. Once in awhile. He keeps her Lotus blossom hair comb with him by his cot and I see him looking at it every so often. I think he really loved her."

"I think so, too."

"Why Mingzhu? Why did she have to die?"

"I don't know, Qiang. I don't know."

Qiang turned and punched a tree multiple times, until most of the bark was missing from a large section of trunk and his knuckles were bloodied.

"So what did you do when Papa told you what happened and what he did to Mama?"

"I punched him and then punched a tree until my knuckles bled."

"What did he do?"

"That time he didn't do anything. Several months later, I talked to him about it all again,and lost my cool. I started to punch him, and he grabbed me and spun me around and shoved me away. Then he told me if I came at him like that again, I'd be flat on my back for a week. So I knocked the bark off another tree at home."

Qiang stopped and looked around at the trees around him. They all had bare patches.

"Zhou, do you punch trees a lot?"

"Yes. Nearly every tree here has bare patches because of me."

"And at home?"

"Yes. There, too."

"So what was it like when it was just you and Mama?"

"I hated going to sleep at night, because I knew she'd start screaming and wake me up. I was terrified of her when she was like that, wild-eyed and swinging weapons around. She'd start screaming at me to get away, that she hated me, that kind of thing."

"Probably because you look a lot like Papa."

"Or maybe just because I was near her in the first place, and male. I hid in the corner a lot."

Zhou reached into his robe and pulled out a flask and took several drinks of it.

"Zhou, when did you start drinking?"

"Years ago, after I discovered the truth about our family. The next night after he told me, one of the soldiers saw me punching a tree. I told him I'd gotten into an argument with Papa, which was not exactly the truth but close enough, and he offered me some rice liquor. After drinking it, I felt instantly better. So I've been secretly doing it for over 10 years."

"Does Liu know?"

"Nope."

"You're pretty good at keeping secrets, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. I became good at it when I had to keep Mama's nightmares a secret so other people wouldn't think she was crazy."

He took several more large swigs from his flask, and his eyes began to glaze over.

"Zhou, you better hope you don't need to be on medic duty tonight."

"Ling is. Besides, I do fine as a medic when I'm drunk." He flashed a grin at the speechless Qiang and drank more from his flask, until it was empty. When he stood up, he walked straight into a tree.

"I usually only drink in my tent. Lead the way, little brother." He grinned again and stuck his arm out to Qiang so the younger man could help him back to his tent.

After depositing his drunk brother on his cot and covering him with a blanket, Qiang stood staring at his brother who had now passed out.

Zhou had to be strong for Mama for years, and this is where his strength had faltered. His brother had a secret penchant for strong drink.

Qiang was concerned for the safety of Zhou's patients. Now he had a dilemma. He could keep his brother's secret, putting injured and ill soldiers at risk. Or he could tell an officer so something could be done, which would lead to Zhou being dismissed from duty. He decided to talk to Ling.

Qiang walked over to the other medic's tent, and was thankful to find a lamp burning. He tapped on the entrance.

"Come in."

"Qiang? Everything all right?"

"Zhou's drunk. I mean, passed out drunk. Did you know he drinks a lot?"

"I knew he drinks some. I'd seen him with that flask more than once."

"I know it's because of what he went through with our mother for so many years. I can't say I blame him. But I'm worried about him, too."

"What he went through with your mother? You know about that?"

"Yes, he just told me what her panic attacks are really about. Can you leave this tent at all? I want to show you something."

"Right now, yes. I don't have any patients."

Qiang led the other medic to Zhou's tent, where his brother was still sleeping off his drunken stupor. He pulled up his tunic and held a lamp up so Ling could see the silvery scar on the man's chest.

"It's from when he was 5 and got too close to our mother after she had a nightmare and was swinging a sword around. No one else has ever seen it, other than his wife and myself, for 26 years. Even as a 5 year old kid, he kept it hidden."

"That's why he is never seen without at least a tunic on. He doesn't want to answer questions about where it came from. When did he tell you about it?"

"Tonight. I was giving him a hard time about not sparring bare chested, so he showed it to me and told me the truth about our parents."

"He told me a few years ago. I haven't told anyone, and neither will you, right Qiang?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"I agree that your mother shouldn't know about this scar, but you should tell your father."

"He gets suicidal when my mother's nightmares get bad, which I never understood until now. I think he'd be full of guilt and lapse into a bad spell again."

"Maybe not then."

"What should we do about Zhou, Ling?"

Ling studied his fellow medic, who was drunkenly snoring away, and turned to Qiang.

"We'll take all his liquor, and tell him he has to stop or we'll be forced to tell General Su Kang about it. That could help, or it might not. If we tell the General, he'll be dismissed, at least for the rest of this training period."

"He said he previously has treated patients when he's drunk."

"That's scary."

"I agree."

Ling and Qiang located and confiscated all of Zhou's hidden liquor and dumped it out, then buried the bottles.

It was well after dawn when Zhou woke up. Ling had been covering some of his medic hours because of Zhou being passed out.

When he was awake, Qiang and Ling confronted him. Ling did most of the talking.

"So, Zhou, how are you feeling this morning?"

"Fine, why?" He was eyeing up his brother, wondering what the two men were up to.

"Have a bit too much to drink last night, did you?"

"No, I didn't."

"Actually, Zhou, you did. I had to help you back to your tent and you passed out."

"You can't treat patients drunk. You know that."

"What is this, 'everybody pick on Zhou' day? I don't have a drinking problem."

"Good. Then it shouldn't be a problem that we dumped out all your liquor."

"You what?" Zhou frantically dug around under his cot, where he'd hidden his liquor, but found nothing. Seething, he turned to Ling.

"That's none of your business how much I drink!"

"It is when you pass out and I have to cover your hours. Or when you are awake and treating patients and I have to worry about you treating them drunk."

"Here's the scoop, Zhou." Qiang decided it was time to tell him what was happening. "Either you quit drinking, now, or we tell General Su you've been treating patients while drunk and he'll relieve you of duty. Do you want to go home and explain to Mama, Papa and Liu why you're home from training early?"

"I can't believe my brother and brother-in-law are ganging up on me."

"Qiang and I are doing this because we care about you. That's different than ganging up on you."

"And because we care about your patients."

With that, Qiang and Ling left Zhou's tent.

"Now we just have to wait and see how he does." Ling put a hand on Qiang's shoulder. "We did the right thing, even though it wasn't easy."

"Yes, I know. Thank you for your help. Our family thanks you, too."

"You're welcome."

"We still consider you family. Always will."

"Thank you."

"How are you holding up after losing Mingzhu, Ling?"

"I go to sleep every night thinking about her, and wake up every morning reaching for her. I dream about her and our baby every night. I'll never stop missing her or loving her."

"I'll never stop missing her, either."

The next few weeks passed uneventfully, until Ling came in to Zhou's tent one morning to wake him up for duty and found an empty bottle next to him. He wasn't able to wake him up. His loud snores echoed through the tent. His brother-in-law and fellow medic had relapsed.

Ling grabbed Qiang and told him what was going on. "He's passed out drunk. We're gonna be the only medics here. We have to tell General Su now. That was part of what we had told him would happen if he continued to drink."

"This isn't going to be easy to see him get dismissed."

"No, I agree. It's not."

Both men made their way to General Su's tent, and told him about Zhou's drinking problem. When they walked back to Zhou's tent with General Su, he was just waking up. His breath reeked of liquor and an empty bottle lay next to him. Seeing he had company, he tried to hide the evidence, but the General saw it.

"Zhou, drinking on duty is not permitted. I understand you've been treating patients while drunk. I'm relieving you of duty. Ling and Qiang will take over your responsibilities now. You have one hour to pack your belongings and leave. Before you will be allowed to return as medic again, you will need to prove you can perform your duties without partaking in any alcohol whatsoever."

After the General left the tent, Ling and Qiang stood watching Zhou. He looked shocked for a moment, then furious.

"We told you what would happen if you continued to drink. But you did, anyway. Now you have to face the consequences, Zhou."

Qiang offered to help his brother pack. He and Ling were told, amidst a stream of profanity, to leave his brother's tent. He found a clump of trees nearby and stripped them of bark with his punches. Less than an hour later, a red-eyed Zhou emerged from his tent and left for home.

After relieving a few more trees of their bark, Qiang looked up to see Ling and General Su standing in front of him.

"You did the right thing, both of you. I know that wasn't easy, particularly when he's family."

"If he quits drinking, will he be allowed back?"

"When and if he quits drinking completely, he will be. He's an excellent medic when he's sober. And Qiang?"

"Yes?"

"Take it easy on the trees. What is it with Li men and trees? Did you know your father was a tree puncher, too?"

"Yes, sir, I will. No, I didn't know that. I never see him do it at home."

"I think he just did it here or at war. How is he holding up these days?"

"Ok. He still rides horses and target shoots with one leg."

"Give him my regards, will you?"

"Yes, sir."

Back at home, Zhou was still steaming as he took care of his horse and walked in the house. Liu saw him and right away knew something was wrong.

"Zhou, what's the matter? And why are you home 4 months early?"

"I was relieved of duty, for drinking on the job."

"Drinking? Since when do you drink?"

"Since I was 20. I've been hiding it from everybody until a couple weeks ago. I took some drinks in front of Qiang, and made myself drunk. He and Ling dumped out all my liquor and threatened to alert General Su if I drank anymore. I made it two weeks, then traded to get a bottle when a patient under my care died after a cannon explosion went wrong. I drank the entire bottle in one night, and passed out. Ling couldn't wake me up in the morning when he came to get me for duty. He and Qiang brought the General to my tent, and I was dismissed. I have to prove I can be liquor-free completely before I can return."

Liu looked shocked, but gave her husband a hug. "I love you, Zhou. No matter what."

"I love you, too."

Later that evening, he told Mulan and Shang about his drinking leading to him being dismissed from duty at Wu Zhong. They looked surprised that he had successfully kept his drinking a secret for so many years. As Zhou thought might happen, Mulan looked guilty. Would he ever stop trying to protect her?

Later that night, Zhou went to the temple to pray and was joined by Shang.

"Papa, I have something I want to show you. In 26 years, only Liu and Qiang have seen it." He took off his tunic, so Shang could see the long, silvery scar across his chest.

"It happened when I was 5, and I got too close to Mama after one of her nightmares. She was swinging her sword around and cut me across the chest. It wasn't deep, and I wrapped it up myself and kept it covered ever since."

Shang stared at the scar in shock. If he hadn't caused the nightmares in the first place, Zhou would never have gotten cut.

"You've kept that covered all this time, and only your wife and brother know about it?"

"Yes. I decided all the secrets I've kept for so long were eating away at me and I was drinking to cure the ache inside. I wasn't sure if I should tell you because I was afraid you'd become suicidal again. You won't, will you, Papa?"

"Your Mama's nightmares are bad right now, so I've already been really depressed."

"Papa, when will you see that killing yourself won't help Mama?"

"Sometimes I know that, but other times I forget."

"What if you killed yourself and one of my children found you?"

"That would be terrible."

"You're damn right it would be. I'm going inside and you're coming with me."

Reluctantly, Shang grabbed his crutches and hopped up on his leg.

"You won't tell Mama, right? I mean, about the scar?"

"No, I don't think she could handle it."

"Neither do I."

Zhou headed to bed that night realizing that in many ways he was still the glue that held his family together. In his military absences, Fa Li and then Liu had taken his place.

He'd always had to be strong for everyone else. It was time to find the internal strength to be strong enough to face his life without depending on liquor.


	18. Chapter 18

The next night, Mulan joined Zhou in the temple. She had learned meditation over the years and knew it possibly could help Zhou move on from his alcoholism.

It did help. He meditated several times a day. Two months later, he was able to return to Wu Zhong for the last two months of training.

Qiang grew up and married a girl from their village and continued to work as a medic with Zhou and Ling.

Shang died at the age of 65 and Mulan lived to be 70. They were married 36 years.

The End

 **I know this is kind of abrupt, but I've had zero inspiration for this story lately. Actually, I'm experiencing a huge writer's block at this time.**


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